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The Doctors share a survey which revealed that out of 4,000 Americans between the ages of 18-87 the most common sexual fantasy is group sex! “As Dr. O has always said, live out your fantasies!” plastic surgeon Dr. Andrew Ordon exclaims.
Psychotherapist Dr. Mike Dow joins The Doctors to weigh in on this group discussion. Dr. Dow wants people to realize that there is a difference between fantasies and what we act out in real life. Dermatologist Dr. Sonia Batra acknowledges Dr. Dow is correct explaining that while this is the most common fantasy it’s not that common for people to actually act out on it. Only 10% of women and 18% of men have ever experienced a threesome and less than 1% has experienced something like this in the last month.
Dr. Dow points out that today STIs are a big risk so it’s a good thing more people aren’t acting out on this. Dr. Ordon agrees the playing field has changed. ER physician Dr. Travis Stork shares that 89% of the people reported fantasizing about threesomes and he thinks this sounds too high. He himself says he has never had this fantasy!
It’s higher for men than woman and from a brain point of view, Dr. Dow explains this makes sense. For the survival of our species, it’s in men’s best interest to spread their seed. For women, they are looking to form bonds, and women have higher levels of the hormone oxytocin, which bond us together. Dr. Travis tries to debunk this, “even if biologically we are designed to spread our seed, it can only happen one at a time.”
Dr. Batra thought more adventure fantasies like sex on a beach or a plane would dominate this. Dr. Dow says while those are common, for people research shows if you have a group sex fantasy, of a third of people, it is their favorite fantasy!
Fantasy can play a role in a healthy relationship. Dr. Dow explains when it comes to sex, we are all snowflakes. Dr. Travis questions how you know if your sexual fantasies are problematic? Dr. Dow says when treating people or couples with problems with sex, he asks one question: is this adding to your sex life with your partner or is it taking away?
If you feel forced to do something to please your partner and it makes you uncomfortable, that’s not okay. Dr. Dow says people need to ask themselves what they are truly okay with. He also wants to mention if you have untreated sexual abuse, this is not something you want to act on because it can be a symptom of the trauma.
Dr. Travis notes from a physical standpoint, you want to be careful. An 80-something-year-old may have a fantasy that if he or she carried it out, could hurt themselves! Dr. Ordon shares his own experience acting out a fantasy which sounded better than it actually was!
Safe, sane and consensual are the three things to question yourself on before acting out a sexual fantasy.