Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to be mindful of the importance of the sexual spark in your relationship and The Doctors are joined by couples therapist Juliana Hauser to share tips that may help reignite it.
If you are feeling not as sexually connected to your partner, she says to "reacclimate and recalibrate" and suggests you and your partner ask and answer these questions:
- "What is going to bring you and each partner into feeling desirable about sex?"
- "What brings you excitement in considering having sex and having a sexual connection?"
She also suggests couple use her "Four Quadrant" approach with starts with couples writing out a long lost of sex acts, from the common to the more creative, and then divide them into 4 different categories:
- Things that you have done sexually that you really want to try again
- Things you have done, but are not sure you want to keep doing
- Sex acts you have not tried but are curious about or want to start doing
- Sex acts that you have not tried and are pretty sure you are not interested in
Once you have the list, she says couples should freely talk about which category the acts land for each person and to do it without judgment or shame. She says this list can help you better understand what interests your partner and can help you discover a new sexual side to them.
"You want to walk out of the exercise knowing more about your partner than you did before," she explains.
Juliana also stresses that couples need to remember the importance of flirting and kissing. She says when your partner flirts to always acknowledge and feel grateful for it. She also urges people to put in more effort and creativity when they flirt and consider sexting and leaving love notes for each other. She also suggests people who are in a rut to mix up where and when they have sex, instead of always having sex during the usual time and same location.
Juliana also stresses that individuals should not neglect self-pleasure, as it is important to make sure you are taking your needs into your own hands and says it can alleviate the burden of your partner having to meet all of your sexual needs.