I am so sorry to hear what you are going through at such a young age. I had some difficult things happen to me when I was close to your age and I know it's not easy. I was hit by a car when I was 15, and my father passed away when I was 18, buried on my 19th birthday. When I was 20 I went through an attempted kidnapping and was assaulted with a knife. I almost forgot, I also had a boyfriend when I was 16 who was obsessed with me and became a stalker when we broke up. Thus began my own journey of anxiety attacks and occasional depression. I also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Luckily I have never done anything to injure myself nor have I ever had the desire to.

Have you (or can you) talk to your parents about this? Do they even know? What about a counseler at school? I've been on anti-anxiety medication since I was 18, I take Klonipin. Of course it is prescribed, I would never take anything that wasn't. Maybe you should see a doctor about this and see if there is anything they can do to help. My heart really breaks for you and what you are going through. I do believe that it's much harder for teens to grow up in todays time. If you would like, you can always talk to me to get things off of your chest or just for moral support. Please don't hesitate to contact me. If you would like I will give you my email address, just let me know.

Take care of yourself and keep in mind that whatever it is that you are going through will get better. You just need the right tools to help, and a little more time to get past the teen years.

Sincerely,

ScarlettO

Please don't hurt yourself.  Du er verd så meget mere!  (Sorry if I didn't get it right, my Norwegian is a little rusty).  Please go talk to someone you trust with all your heart.

(I don't know why but I tried to comment earlier, but it wouldn't. So I'll write again).

Thank you very much SpryLilLady and Scarlettohara.

I will try and not hurt myself... I don't want to do it with a knife anylonger anyway. I regret having done that, because I now have scars on my body, and I don't know if they'll ever go away. I look back at that time with disgust. After I'd done it I used to take pictures actually. That's so crazy, and I can see that now, but back then I loved to look back at it. I thought the wounds and the blood on my skin was pretty, when really it's not.
I'll also try and not slap myself, though usually that happens very quickly, and I don't get time to think before I do it.

Scarlettohara ; It hurts me to hear about everything you've been through. It can't have been easy, and I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. x

I actually have talked to someone about it. A year ago I was in treatment but only for a few months. I was fine in summer last year. In November 08, five and a half months ago I went to see the school nurse, after recommendation from my best friend. At that time I didn't eat very good, and had had really painful cramps in my stomach because of it. I then went to see my doctor. She wanted to refer me to this clinic where they have psychologists, but I said no. I regret that now. Then I avoided going to my doctor, I don't know why. I started seeing a psyciatrist in the middle of January though, and I still do. She's the same woman I saw last year, and she's really nice. Went to my doctor in the end of January, and this time I said yes to be referred to a

psychologist. Went back to my doctor already the next week, cause I was so stupid I told my teacher that I wsnted to die, and that I felt worthless and hopeless, and that I was just a burden for everyone around me. She took me straight to my doctor, who offered me hospital. I said no ofcourse, I know it wouldn't have been necessary, I wouldn't try and commit suicide for real. But it was a wake-up call and I started to try even harder getting out of the anxiety. I'm guaranteed a psychologist by 11th of May, so it's very soon...
In the meantime I see the psyciatrist, which is a good thing I guess. I'm having trouble opening up properly though, and there's a lot I'm not saying. I'm also "decorating" on the truth. I know I shouldn't. For instance I'm taking a lot more paracetamol than I should. I know that paracetamol isn't even helping against naxiety, so I don't know why I take them, I just feel like I have to. I'm kind of scared about that though, because now, If I'm having a headache or anything, I feel like they're not helping as much as they used to. I have been taking paracetamol for 6 months now though, and more than I'm letting people think.. I carry it almost where ever I go, and sometimes I take the maximum recommended dosis.

I have a really good friend though, male friend, kind of my boyfriend, who's helping on my self-esteem a lot. He always tells me how gorgeous, beautiul, pretty etc. I am. And also tells me more spesificly, which is helping cause he's forcing me to think of myself in another perspective. Sometimes I feel atleast a little bit beautiful, but I'm still very ashamed of myself.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!! xxxx
Thanks for caring!

And for those of you who don't speak Norwegian, I just said, You are worth so much more! ;-)

Hi Love, I hope you don't mind me volunteering some things that helped me ,you probably hearf of most of them, they help me. 

• relaxation exercises/deep breathing
• progressive relaxation
• visualization
• yoga/stretching

You probably know about these techniques, if not I would be happy talk about what I know or you could google them.

I just thought I would mention them...I believe I heard somewhere that chewing sugarless gum was relaxing as well, as when you are chew your jaws are more relaxed...often throughout the day I stop and pay attention to my face and my jaws hurt from clenching/stress axxiety. Another trick I use is putting the tip of my tongue just under the back of the front of my teeth. That also keeps me from clenching.

Have a wnderful day.

Thank you very much scaley!
I'll google them, I don't know what everything you said means, but it's easy for me to find out so. I've heard of some of them though.
Thank youu! :)

HI again:

If you want to talk "CaLL ME"

My anxiety disorder is called GAD...Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Bye for now  :>

I wrote you this very long response and hit 'submit' only to discover that it's not here. I'll have to re-write it again later. In the meantime, always remember that you are indeed a very valuable and beautiful human being, a young woman who still has the world at your fingertips. I have so much to say, it will have to wait though. I'll be thinking of you in the meantime.Big Hugs,

Big Hugs,

ScarlettO

Hi I have been suffering from anxiety for a long time now (and depression).  I get panic attacks, not as often as I used to but still at least once a week.  They are HORRIBLE!!  I am on medication for this I have been on it for years, through out the years I have learned to manage it through breathing and self talk.  I wish you luck!!!

Thank you guys so much, I wasn't expecting such nice and supportive replies to this. I really appreciate it.

Today has really sucked,  been the worst day for weeks, but your replies made me smile. Thanks, you made my day better.  

Hi Norwegian Girl.

It is really good news that you are here and writing about your feelings and what you are going through. The fact that you are telling strangers what you have done really is a great start. I feel bad for what you are going through because I am going through things also.

Depression hurts and so does anxiety. It hurts our bodies, our brains, our feelings, our lives. The hardest thing for me to do is excercise and try to do all the things I know I should do. Just making my bed every day is a job in itself! I dont have the energy or desire to do much at all these days. I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications and working and raising my 16 year old daughter and trying to get through every single day.

Your therapist...talk to your psychiatrist about what is going on with you. Tell them what you think and feel and when you feel like hurting yourself. They cant help you if you are not honest. Ask the psychiatrist to not tell your parents and he wont. You need a safe place to talk and hopefully that is the place for you. l think that maybe if you tell him when you want to hurt yourself he can help you even more.

Be gentle with yourself. Know that what you are going through is real.

If you like movies watch the ones that make you laugh. If you like books go buy a few and spend time reading. If you like the idea of travelling look on line and plan trips that you will some day take. Find something that you want to look forward to. Even if it just watching the sunset every day. Close your eyes and listen. Just listen to what is around. Do you hear birds? Someone breathing? Children laughing?

Try to stay in school. It really is so important. If you are falling behind, a counselor can help you find a tutor or ask a friend or parents to help you catch up.

Remember that some day you will feel better because you are strong and young and really have so much to look forward to! I promise.

You are not alone!!!!! I have just started my blog on here about my war against anxiety and depression. I've had both for over 10 years and i suffer from very severe panic attacks as well. Whats worse is that anxiety and depression are never the same for anyone. We may suffer some of the same symptoms, but no one can fully understand what is going on inside your mind. But there is hope! I go through ups and downs myself each day and it is around this time (midday) that i am at my lowest. When I am sad and scared and in this horrible place I only have the strength to hang on by a thread but i know that if I hang on things will change. Nothing ever stays the same. Even when i seem to be in a rut that lasts for months I just have to remember that I won't feel like this forever. Also, there is a book that has changed everything. It's called The Happiness Trap, How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris. This book has given me so many tools that i can use to help me move foreward when I feel stuck. Please post comments to me anytime you want, and hang on to the hope that things can get better.