I've been rather serious lately, usually I'm kinda funny, at least I think so, maybe a few others here get me and my hubby gives me an occasional belly laugh - although mainly I get eye rolls from him so I think my humor is mainly for women.  So tonight, a return to funny, for all of us girls.  First though, a bit of a disclaimer ....if you are a guy, you may not want to read further for fear of ruining the feminine mystique.  If you are a woman who is uncomfortable with a frank discussion of personal maintenance of feminine areas .... this is not the blog for you.  For the rest, read on... you may learn something- or at least have a good belly laugh!

I was feeling pretty good about myself today,woke up feeling skinny, lighter in body and in spirit.   Anyway, after my two hours at the gym this morning, I came home and felt that today was a day for me.  A mini spa day at home.  I looked around, I had all the lotions for my feet and and hands, great body scrub I got for Christmas and best of all, since the weather has been so nice, my self tanner when it was all done.  So I poured a bath, got everything ready, even a glass of wine and my book, ready for a long soak in the tub.  I stood there as the water filled looking at myself naked in the mirror, probably the first time in several years I have done that.  This time, instead of berating myself for being fat, I was actually posing a bit, looking at myself in a new light, a very sexy light.  

With that in mind, I looked down, for the first time in a long time, straight down with no belly in the way, and had a good look at my .... lady parts.  Well, they needed tending.  I had tried to do that by braille or with the help of a mirror in the past, but thanks to the 17DD, my belly is no longer in the way.

"OK", I thought to myself, "swimsuit season is coming.  Time to get a hold of this situation."  I was planning on a long bath, shaving my legs, using that fab Body Shop exfoliating stuff I got for Christmas anyway .... wait a sec.... don't I have some waxing stuff under the sink somwhere?"  So I dug out this home waxing kit that has been living for God knows how long under my sink .... are you maybe getting why I think this is a Public Service Announcement?  Number one - do not use a waxing kit of indeterminate age.  Not a good idea.   Read on if you dare.

So OK.  Here I am, the tub filling, feeling good, thinking I need to get that bikini line under control now so off I go and stick the wax stuff in the microwave, take it back into the bathroom and you know ..... I'm a bit conservative, not to get too detailed but let's just say I am not  a Brazillain clearcut kind of girl ... more of a selective logging, trim the edges thing ... but to be daring I thought I'd try the  "Dorothy Hammill" as they said on the Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls ... meaning, you know, a bit more off down south leaving the top.  I thought I was being very  adventurous.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.  Famous last words,

Remember, this is the first time in years I was feeling sexy and liking my body.  I think that made me a liitle impetuous.  Only once before have I tried waxing .... that memory was obviously so traumatic I blocked it ... ergo what happened today.  

So... here I was, in the bathroom, feeling all empowered ... and I ripped off the right side of the waxing...... you might have heard the SHRIEK all the way from Vancouver to Miami.  My husband and boys were at the door in a second, thinking I was being murdered.  I gasped, sucked it up and managed to mutter, "I'm fine, just stubbed my toe."  

After they finally left me alone, I was faced with the remaining strips I had already put on.... I ripped off the right side, but the left and the .... ummmm .... underneath bits were still remaining.  I could not face it.  I tried, but I was whimpering so much I knew I could not do it.  So what to do..... I had already applied the wax and the damn strips!!!!  I looked at the bath and saw my salvation.  I got in, drained half the water and added more hot to soak off the damn strips and waited.  

After a bit, the left strip came off with no problem.  I sat and smiled, thinking I had the thing solved, had a sip of wine and read a bit of my book.  Then I tried to get up.  Ooops.  I was actually STUCK to the bottom of the tub.  Good Lord.  I did not know what to do.  I envisioned calling my husband for help .... quickly dismissed that as he would be able to hold that over me FOREVER .... next thing... 911 .... yeah right, a bunch of hunky firemen, my husband would totally not appreciate that... right.... not to mention, unsticking a woman from a bad homewax is no doubt going to be the TOP of their Christmas blooper reel.  OK ... so there is no help.  I could NOT believe this situation, I knew I had either read this or seen it in a bad movie somewhere and thought ... that could never happen.  Well,  it did ... and to me... of course.  

So what did I do you want to know?  I sat in the damn tub, turning the hot water on and off with my foot and releasing some of the old water with my other foot until I finally melted everything away.

The lesson I have learned?  Being skinny is not as easy as we all thought.  Who knew these kinds of challenges faced us!  I had heard about this waxing thing ... but I have to say to everyone, do it at your own risk!   If you are going to do it to get ready for summjer, go to a professional.  As for me, I think I'll stick to my Lady Bic and some nice shaving cream.  

Hope I gave you a chuckle.  Kudos to any of you brave enough to face the waxing torture!!!!!

Love,Lisa