Well I've been sitting here all night stewing, thinking yes, I am so happy I have lost 41 pounds so far and I am so happy to see everyone else here losing and I was ecstatic to see the TV show Challengers do so well .... so if everything is so hunky dory, why do I feel something is missing?
Don't get me wrong, this diet - ooops, this lifestyle change is fantastic as is everyone here, I've said that over and over and the whole program has obviously been working very well for me. The thing I think is missing from this equation is the why .... why did we let ourselves get here in the first place? Dr. Phil often gets to this ... in fact he used to totally piss me off with his asking guests on his show in a face to face, chair to chair scenario, "I know you are fat but WHY are you fat?" When I was fat, I used to yell back at the TV ... "I know you're bald but WHY are you bald!" . I thought I was a smartass. I wasn't - I was deflecting. I did not want to answer the question he had asked. I was afraid to think of what my answer might be.
I'm still not sure what that answer is, I think I know but there may be more. I do know that I keep a lot of stress in my life inside. I am a people pleaser and a peacemaker in my family, and Lord knows I love them all but there is a lot of both that needs doing in my family and I am the only one to take on the job. When I feel stress I usually do not share it for fear of adding to the stress of others in my life. It is my goal in life to make everyone I love as happy and comfortable as I can and if I were to share my worries that would go against every fibre of my being. So to make myself feel better, I used to eat, lots and lots - and I used to make food for my fueding family - and lots of it, if they were eating, they were not fighting.
So I got fat along the way and to make it worse, my dentist told me last year that I was clenching and maybe grinding my teeth at night, he gave me a night guard. My doctor prescribed me sleeping pills to counter my insomnia. I later found out that both were related - I was not grinding my teeth as much as clenching - which is apparently a sign of sleep apnia, and the clenching and not breathing right kept waking me up. Since I lost the 41 pounds, I no longer do that, so the belly weight was definitely a factor in the sleep apnia thing. I sleep better at night now, much better. The underlying factors have not gone away though and I have not yet learned how to deal with them so the stress is still here. I'm basically gritting my teeth (metaphorically now, not really - I do have a night guard - LOL) and keeping going, I want to learn how to solve the deeper problems here. How do I stop being everyone's caretaker/problem solver? I don't want to lose all this weight and leave the underlying problem there ... that is a recipe for disaster and weight gain.
I love The Doctors show but I have to say the one doctor they are missing is a clinical psychologist or psychaitrist. They have every other specialty covered but that and I am surprised, considering Dr. Phil is the Executive Producer. Many physical ailments are caused outright by emotional distress and even more are certainly exacerbated by stress. The Doctors is a fantastic show and the contributing physicians are all terrific, but I think they would benefit by the addition of one more specialist.
So The Doctors, what do you say? How about adding one more to your panel? I would love it and I bet everyone else would too.
Thanks for letting me vent. I do love you all and love what you do already and hope a respectful suggestion from a Canadian fan might bear considering.
Love, Lisa
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writerchick1 - If you would like to submit a question to The Doctors you can do so by going to the top of this page and placing your cursor over CONTACT THE SHOW. In the drop down menu you will see ASK OUR DOCTORS. Click ASK OUR DOCTORS and fill out the form.
Please feel free to submit this blog to THE DOCTORS.
Hi Lisa - What great insight. And as Dr. Phil say, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge – or as I say, admitting the problem is half the battle. So, the good news - you are half way to a resolution. You may never be able to change holding your stress inside, but you can change how you deal with it. I don’t have an answer to this though, as I have the same issue. (I was going to call it a problem, but I think “issue” is a more positive way to think about it.) Old way of thinking: Have Stress? - Find comfort food- AHHHH, now I feel better. Current way of thinking: Have Stress? – White knuckle it and clinch (yes I have a night guard too-LOL). Maybe Dr. Phil and The Doctors will hear your plea, and give all of us some help.
Lisa, thanks for sharing such thought-provoking insights . . . I totally agree that the additional of a psychologist would be a Big Benny to the show! Also I think there are many of us who have weight problems that are related to stress b/c our mind/body is trying to protect us. Good stuff - really liked your perspective!
Hi Lisa, you are so right and if you don't address your "problems" now you may tend to go back to old behaviours and unfortunately that would be FOOD... and lots of it!!! The weight loss, as great as it is, is only a bandaid solution to what is really going on in your life. I don't know what your relationship with your husband is like but maybe you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel about all the stress that you seem to take on. Get REAL with him. You may have to really lay it out there and if he really wants to help you, he will.
Another option would be to seek out some counselling . I know at my place of employment (I'm a nurse at a hospital) there is free counselling. I used it several years ago when I was going through a separation with my ex and found it very helpful to just talk it out. My counsellor gave me some good advise and it has stuck with me since. Maybe just seeking out some counselling would do you more good than losing this weight. You will get to the root of why you got fat, why food is your friend when no one else is there. It may cost you some money or it may not depending on your workplace and whether they have free counselling or not, but that might just be the best spent money ever.
If you ever watch the Biggest Losers, Bob and Jillian really try to get the contestants to open up and talk about why they got to where they are, and for alot of them, it opens doors to reality, the light goes on and then they can carry on with their weight loss journey.
Good luck with this Lisa, I hope you can find the answers and this may be helpful for anyone out there who has the same problems...and you all know who you are.
Karen
Hi Lisa, me again, just wondering if you would like to share email addresses, so then everything here doesn't have to be public. Let me know, don't worry I'm not one of those creeps out there just someone who cares and loves to help others. Just so you know I've got myself figured out, sometimes, and maybe a friendly ear, or email might do you some good.
I have people coming up to me all the time to tell me their life stories. I think my previous life was in psychiatry or social work or something in that field as it seems I am pretty good at listening and giving some okay advise, at least I don't think anyone jumped off a bridge after talking to me!!! haha
Karen kabell95@yahoo.ca
Hope to hear from you soon and if not...that's okay!
Lisa it's business. If they add that element to The Doctors then would there be a need to watch Dr Phil. I think The Doctors was planned to cover what Dr Phil doesn't.
I get you about the stress. I now know just how much stress I have been dealing with over the past 14 years...My parents failing health & eventual deaths of each, child custody issues with my husband's daughter a well as getting her raised & out of high school, 2 military deployments & maybe more to come. Job stress & now unemployment. Bankruptcy from serveral court battles (from the custody trouble).
It takes it's toll. Now I feel like so much of it has lifted. This was the perfect time for me to do this diet, life change, whatever! The step daughter has moved out & is finally getting a taste of what her mother is all about. My husband gets to stay behind this time when his unit deploys & run his armory & any men that aren't going. Our money situation is better & I should be able to pick up something part time soon. The biggest thing that changed my stress? going to a gym. That hour or so that I spend there does so much to work out any stress I have. I turn on my MP3 player & just go at it. When I am done & I head for home I feel great. The gym membership is the best birthday present I ever got!!
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