3-YEAR-OLD REESE: 'OUR FATHER.WHO DOES ART IN HEAVEN,HARLOD IS HIS NAME.AMEN' A LITTLE BOY WAS OVERHEARD PRAYING: 'LORD, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE ME A BETTER BOY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'M HAVING A REAL GOOD TIME LIKE I AM'. AFTER THE CHRISTENING OF HIS BABY BROTHER IN CHURCH, JASON SOBBED ALL THE WAY HOME IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR. HIS FATHER ASKED HIM THREE TIMES WHAT WAS WRONG. FINALLY, THE BOY REPLIED, 'THAT...

read more

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a Young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?  She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" We use it for sex."" The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually...

read more

NOTE: NOW THAT IM OLDER I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT THAT I SEEMED TO HAVE MORE PATIENCE..TURNS OUT I JUST DON'T GIVE A !!!! OK! THE IMPORTANCE OF WALKING.....WALKING CAN ADD MINUTES TO YOUR LIFE. THIS ENABLES YOU AT 85 YEARS OLD TO SPEND AN ADDITIONAL 5 MONTHS IN A NURSING HOME AT $700 PER MONTH. MY GRANDPA STATED WALKING FIVE MILES A DAY WHEN HE WAS 60. NOW HE'S 97 YEARS OLD AND WE...

read more

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WERE VISTING THEIR KIDS OVERNIGHT,WHEN GRANDPA FOUND A BOTTLE OF VIAGRA IN THE MEDICINE CABINET. HE ASKED ABOUT USING ONE OF THE PILLS. THE SON SAID, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE ONE DAD. THEY'RE VERY STRONG AND VERY EXPENSIVE. HOW MUCH? ASKED GRANDPA. $10.00 A PILL, ANSWERED THE SON. I DON'T CARE,SAID GRANDPA, I'D STILL LIKE TO TRY ONE,AND BEFORE WE LEAVE IN THE MORNING, I'LL PUT THE MONEY UNDER THE...

read more

A U.S. MARINE COLONEL WAS ABOUT TO START THE MORNING BRIEFING TO HIS STAFF. WHILE WAITING FOR THE COFFEE MACHINE TO FINISH BREWING,THE COLONEL DECIDED TO POSE A QUESTION TO ALL ASSEMBLED. HE EXPLAINED THAT HIS WIFE HAD BEEN A LITTLE FRISKY THE NIGHT BEFORE AND HE FAILED TO GET HIS USUAL AMOUNT OF SLEEP. HE POSED THE QUESTION OF JUST HOW MUCH OF SEX WAS "WORK"AND HOW MUCH OF IT WAS "PLEASURE"? A MAJOR...

read more

A young man just had his first customer,which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver. The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked, can I take your order sir? The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon? The truck driver said again, look kid, I want three...

read more

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded in the limo,(and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb. Excuse me, Your Holiness, says the driver, Would you please take your seat so we can leave. Well, to tell you the truth, says the Pope, they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was cardinal, and I really like to drive today. I'm sorry, your Holiness...

read more

 A Woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple of seconds! and when i looked back she was halfway over in my lane. Still working on that makeup. As a man, i don't scare easily. But she scared me so much, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my hand. In...

read more

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks,and there are only 3 Surivors: Jim,Joe and Susie. They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex,all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Jim and Joe was so immoral and...

read more

A MAN AND HIS DOG WERE WALKING ALONG A ROAD. THE MAN WAS ENJOYING THE SCENERY,WHEN IT SUDDENLY OCCURRED TO HIM THAT HE WAS DEAD. HE REMEMBERED DYING,AND THAT THE DOG WALKING BESIDE HIM HAD BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS. HE WONDERED WHERE THE ROAD WAS LEADING THEM. AFTER A WHILE,THEY CMAE TO A HIGH,WHITE STONE WALL ALONG ONE SIDE OF THE ROAD. IT LOOKED LIKE FINE MARBLE. AT THE TOP OF A LONG HILL, IT...

read more

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house. 'Talking Dog For Sale'..He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.....The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there................You talk? he asks. Yep, the Lab replies.....After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk,...

read more

A group of male lawyers lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him. A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, you know , i used to play on my golf team in college and i was pretty good. Would you mind if i joined you next week?. The three guys...

read more

The pastor's wife was expecting a baby,so he stood before the congregtion and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanked, so would his paycheck. After 6 children ,this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing...

read more

A LITTLE OLD LADY WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET DRAGGING TWO LARGE PLASTIC GARBAGE BAGS BEHIND HER. ONE OF THE BAGS WAS RIPPED AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE A $20 FELL OUT ONTO THE SIDEWALK. NOTICING THIS, A POLICEMAN STOPPED HER AND SAID MA'AM,THERE ARE $20 BILLS FALLING OUT OF THAT BAG. OH REALLY? DAM IT! SAID THE LITTLE OLD LADY.I'D BETTER GO BACK AND SEE IF I CAN FIND THEM. THANKS FOR TELLING...

read more

I WAS WALKING PAST THE MENTAL HOSPITAL THE OTHER DAY AND ALL THE PATIENTS WERE SHOUTING 13..13..13...................THE FENCE WAS TOO HIGH TO SEE OVER BUT I SAW A LITTLE GAP IN THE PLANKS,SO I LOOKED THROUGH TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON.............SOME IDIOT POKED ME IN THE EYE WITH A STICK!!!!!  ...THEN THEY ALL STARTED SHOUTING 14...14...14...

read more

A MAN RIDING HIS HARLEY WAS RIDING ALONG CALIFORNIA BEACH WHEN SUDDENLY THE SKY CLOUDED ABOVE HIS HEAD AND IN A BOOMING VOICE,THE LORD SAID, "BECAUSE YOU HAVE TRIED TO BE FAITHFUL TO ME IN ALL WAYS,AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF OTHERS IN YOUR PRAYERS,I WILL GRANT YOU ONE,PERSONAL PRAYER REQUEST"...........THE BIKER PULLED OVER AND PRAYED, "LORD,BUILD A BRIDGE TO HAWAII SO I CAN RIDE OVER ANYTIME I WANT."......THE LORD SAID,"YOUR REQUEST IS MATERIALISTIC,THINK...

read more

WHAT IS CELIBACY? ........ANS: CELIBACY CAN BE A CHOICE IN LIFE, OR A CONDITION IMPOSED BY CIRCUMSTANCES................WHILE ATTENDING A MARRIAGE WEEKEND,WALTER AND HIS WIFE,ANN,LISTENED TO THE INSTRUCTOR DECLARE, "IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT HUSBANDS AND WIVES KNOW THE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO EACH OTHER"........HE THEN ADDRESSED THE MEN: "FOR INSTANCE,CAN YOU NAME AND DESCRIBE YOUR WIFE'S FAVORITE FLOWER?.....WALTER LEANED OVER,TOUCHED ANN'S ARM GENTLY,AND WHISPERED ,.........."GOLD MEDAL ALL-PURPOSE, ISN'T IT?"...........................................................AND THUS BEGAN WALTER'S LIFE OF CELIBACY...PS..GUYS...

read more

between 18 and 22,a woman is like Africa.Half discovered,half wild,fertile and naturally beautiful. Between 23 and 30,a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade,especially for someone of real value.Between 31 and 35,a woman is like Spain,very hot,relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece,gently aging but sitll a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50,a woman is like Great Britain,with a...

read more

Ques: where can men over the age of 60 find younger,sexy women who are interested in them? Ans: Try a bookstore,under Fiction...... Ques: what can a man do while his wife is going thru menopause? Ans:Keep busy.If you're handy with tools,you can finish the basement.When you're done,you will have a place to live.... Ques: someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible...Is that true? Where can i be found? Ans: Yes.Matthew 14:92:...

read more

A STORE THAT SELLS NEW HUSBANDS HAS OPENED IN NEW YORK CITY, WHERE A WOMAN MAY GO TO CHOOSE A HUSBAND. AMONG THE INSTURCTIONS AT THE ENTRANCE IS A DESCRIPTION OF HOW THE STORE OPERATES:   YOU MAY VISIT THIS STORE ONLY ONCE! THERE ARE SIX FLOORS AND THE VALUE OF THE PRODUCTS INCREASE AS THE SHOPPER ASCENDS THE FLIGHTS....THE SHOPPER MAY CHOOSE ANY ITEM FROM A PARTICULAR FLOOR,OR MAY CHOOSE TO GO UP TO THE...

read more