She's signed a DNR and has been asked when she wants to start hospice. She is holding on, but she is not going to get better, unless there is divine intervention. There's no more nedicine for her.

After wading thru shark filled waters. so to speak, I have decided to pick out a lwayer, to deal with issues related to the poor care she recieved cthat led to her too late diagnosis. I ahve had some conversations with lawyers ...whew! somw of them are so aggressive and scary aqnd abrasive. I had to take a step back from it to decide which one was the best for me. I ahd one guy trying to convince me to let him advance me money, and send Sunny to wherever clinical trials are that would take her, but because swhe had previous chemo, she wasn't qualified for that. He was willing to put her on a plane, and put me up in a hoptel nearby and he was positive he could get the case won .... but after talking to several others, the reality was that he was "showboating".

Fact is, I know a woman here whonconsults with medical pros to coach them how to make people lose cases. She teach3es them what to do and say to insure it. There is no guarantee this won't be a factor in Sunny's case, and the sheer arrogance of the lawyers was scaring me. If indeed I do hire one, I will be most cautious. Really sleazy guys I spoke to, all but one!

I also have been sent tons of ads for so called curesw .... if I coould eat a can of dog food or a pplates of rocks to cure her, I would, but it won't work.

When lawyers and snake oil saleman bite in on you, do they realize your desperation and feed on that? Do they understand the shjeer cruelty .... they don't care!!!!

Also, I am being expected to behave in certain ways, greive certain ways and completely collapse when she expires. If you've been reading me, you know I had a dress rehearsal in Oct. Ther won;t be a surprise punch in the gut ... She is terminally ill. I kow that. I have done all the crying and greiving up front! Can't all those people who want me to do it everyone else's way, see that there must be a better way than collapsing in depression, or wailing 24/7365? I am tryting to come up wiith creative suggestions that work for me.  Something constructive ... no nopt a speaking tour in honor of her, or wearing her old clothes to be closer to her ... I knew a lady who wore her fathers old pants to get closer ...eeeeekkkkk! How creepy is that?

Well, we are sort of in a holding pattern, now In the word of the cancer doc ... wed keep her as healthy as we can as long as we can.

I took Ma to see her Wednesday. She was having a good day and Ma got some relief from that. She felt a little bit better, but she is really ini bad shape, overall. It's going tpo be hard on her, Sunny's passing. I am doing everything I can to ease it.

Rainbow