I am having ine devil of a time trying to get on traCK with all this new stuff I am having to learn. Her and I have been chronically ill for some time, and you feel like you know some medical stuff, and then youc learn you don't really.

I have a less than high school, book learnin' education. I am amart, otherwise, have run a couple of businesses, but all this stuff goes over my heas I feel like I aqm drowning. And I am learning that people in the medical profession, foir the most opart, will only walk you thgru the specifics so far ...   social workers seem to be talking in  circles, help agencies, too,

It's bad enough to have my sistrer dying and having to leatn all I need to and do all I hasve to, has finally reached a point where I am going to scream if someone gives me another "yada yada" answer!!!!

Nobody gets prepared for this kind of devastating illness, let alone those of us having to handle all the legal and financial stuff. I was okay at 1st, but now I am, drowning. Wading thru piles of info, not all of it useful.

You know the worst part ... telling my story overr and over, and hers, too. EVER NEW DOC, SOCIAL WORKER, LEGAL PRO, help agency .... I actually have a script, now I follow. Just tell it and get it over with. And I feel like it is a certain kind of performance. I was an entertainer before I got disabled and this is all noy unlike a "show". Every new person you have to deal with ... I get that "here we go again" feeling every time. I am really hating it. I don't even bother to embellish or change it anymore ... I just say it out.

Like I saiud ... people are starting to sound like they are talking in circles. Yesterday I asked questions of one social worker, who also had a script, and she said all her pat things and I said mine and we never got anywhere! It was like talking to a puppet! I ah gotten no further by the time it was over. A couple of the docs are like this too. If you try to swing the conversation another way, they all act like they can't hear you!

Frustrated? Ohn n-o-o-o-, not me !!!! LOL! You bet your last cancer drug I am!!!!! i've tried to figure out new ways to talk to all gthese proplre ...surprise! They've heard it all before and are one step ahead of you and know what you are going to ask and do and can instantlly derail you.Not that this would ever stop me, but when they see me coming now, RUN AWAY can't you just  see me chasing them in my whee;lchair??!! LOL! I actually had one person tell me loudly cnot to ask anymore questions.  I still did!

Butting my head against a waa, on top of having to care for her, is not fun! It is starting to make me suspicious of social nworkkers' and doc's real motives, starting to make me agressive, not assertive and is beginning to damage all my other relationships.

I said this once before, but it is truer now. Cancer like this touches every part of your liofe!

Rainbow