I am 60yrs old, 4'9",92lbs. I used to be an intelligent, successful financial professional. I have had the symptoms of fibromyalgia since 1977, but I wasn't diagnosed until 2000. I also had to stop working in 2000. I didn't give up immediately; but, by 2002, it was clear that I wasn't going to "recover". My HMO (Kaiser) sent me to their Pain Clinic. Things just went downhill from there. In 2002, I weighed 70lbs & still managed to take care of myself, & still had a little $ in the bank, & health insurance. Most important of all, for me; my kids still respected me, thought I was competent, & treated me like an adult. Then I overdosed on the pain medication. I was only in the hospital overnight; but that was enough. Suddenly, the kids decided that I was now a child, & treated me accordingly.

I became a sinle parent when my kids were 5 & 7. I was a full-time graduate student. I had to go on welfare. I graduated in 1980, & shortly thereafter became a poltically appointed federal Equal Employment Opportunity Judge. I was so happy, & I was able to get off welfare. I was the only 1. My own father wouldn't even come to my courtroom, & he's an attorney, too. He was an oldfashioned jew: "girls" were not supposed to pass the bar, let alone be a judge. So what little support system I had disappeared. However, I actually prevailed.

I put the kids through private elementary school, both got bat mtzvahed, boarding prep school, semesters in China, France, & Spain. I got them both through Whittier College(they even graduated in 4 yrs- 1 with a major in Modern Foreign Languages-Chinese & French; the other as a Whittier Scholar). My oldest even had 2 weddings-at my expense. I did all of this on my own- no financial help from anyone. I eventually became a Vice President at Bank of America here in CA. (I moved out here from MA in 1993). My youngest(Juliet) graduated in 1997, while I was at BofA. She moved back to Boston, & needed my financial (&emotional) assistance until she got on her feet. The oldest(Sara), needed my help through 2 divorces. I was the 1 they both turned to for help.(their father-a Dr.-refused to contribute in any way).

It wasn't just my kids who made me feel needed &  competent; I did exceedingly well at work. Now all of that has disappeared. When I got breast cancer(2004), my methodone dose was increased to 60mg 3/day-240mg/day! My primary care Dr upped the dose because while I was going through treatment I couldn't make it to the Pain Clinic. As it turned out; she had, not only, never treated fibromyalgia, but even worse, had never prescribed methadone. I had no idea that  240mg/day was an extrordinarily high dose. Nor did I know that methodone was a highly addicting opiod, & the MOST difficult drug to withdraw from.(I wrongly assumed that if methodone was given to heroin addicts to detox, it was neither an opiod nor addictive). I probably would have taken it anyway. No way to know.

By 2006, it was dangerous for me to even drive. I would unpredictably nod off. It happened a couple of times while I was driving-TERRIFYING! To make along story short: the Dr. was apparently audited(for prescribing the methodone) , & in late OCT. 2006, she called me & said she could not prescribe the methodone anymore. She never even told me that I was going to go through withdrawal. In less than a week, I had a seizure, & woke up in the detox ward of a treatment center. That was basicly the beginning of the end. I was in there for 117 days!!! Yes you read that correctly. My co-pay was $200/day. I lost everything:no more bank account, no house, no retirement or pension, no health insurance. I lost my house while I was in the hospital. My mother died while I was in the hospital.

I got out of the hospital Feb. 17, 2007. I went from living in a nice house with Sara to a tiny apartment. I know I'm lucky. It could have been a homeless shelter. Juliet  is paying ALL of my expenses. She had a high paying job when I got out, but still this is all she could find that would take me. She only lives 4 miles away, but it mind as well be a million miles. Living alone here-I pray every day that it will end. She lost her job, & because she needs to support me, she took another job with a 7k pay cut. I feel so GUILTY. I'm the mother. I'm supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. I haven't been under a Dr.s care since then. So no pain meds, or any other kind(no Fosamax, high cholesterol meds, paxil, klonopin, flexeril, IBS meds) My application for SSI was turned down. My appeal trial(initiated 4/08) still hasn't been schedualed-they have until May to give me a trial date. I am supposed to meet with my legal aid attorney next week. I've been told my chances of actually being approved is slim to none.

So, in conclusion, things aren't exactly looking up.