{THIS IS WHO I AM}

{I AM NOT:} Perfect.

{I Hurt:} Inside.

{I Love:} Hard.

{I Fear:} The unknown & some known.

{I Hope:} That love finds me.

{I Crave:} Chocolate with nuts & to be loved and appreciated.

{I Regret:} A lot of things.

{I Cry:} Alone.

{I Care:} Too much.

{I Always:} Give too much and get too little.

{I Long To:} Meet a real man in every way.

{I Feel So Alone:} Though I'm not alone.

{I Listen:} With my ears & heart.

{I Hide:} My pain.

{I Drive:} With caution.

{I Sing:} When no one else can hear me usually.

{I Dance:} When the music moves me.

{I Write:} When I feel something needs to be written.

{I Breath:} In life.

{I Play:} A lot and sometimes too much.

{I MISS:} My Son, God how I miss my Son,Grandma and Father

{I Yourn:} For trust and genuine people.

{I Learn:} Things the hard way.

{I Feel:} Like I've been through too much.

{I Know:}

More than I should & have plenty of room for more.

{I Say:} What I feel and sometimes I spare feelings

{I Succeed:} At things I put my all n all into.

{I Fail:} At the heart to heart relationships.

{I Dream:} With my eyes open, not much closed.

{I Sleep:} On my side or back.

{I Wonder:} Now What's next in my future.

{I Have:} Bleeding scars that you can't see nor be removed.

{I Fight:} Those that long to be close to me now.

{I Wait:} Patiently, but can be very impatient.

{I Need:} To have some say so.

{I Wear:} My heart on my sleeve.

{I Think:} Too much.

{I Stay:} When no one else will.

{I Can't Help} The Fact, That There Are SO MANY HATERS IN THE WORLD, READY TO KILL & See You Fail.             (All I CAN DO )              Is Shake My Head At Their Ignorance And Do My Best To Srive!

                                            (UDERNEATH ALL THAT MAKEAND DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF ME)

                                                ( THE WORD STRIVE)  HAS BECOME A UNKNOWN!)

I AM REALLY BLEEDING OF ENTERNAL PAIN OF A BROKEN HEART DO TO THE LOSE OF MY SON, WHOM WAS MURDERED OCT.21,2001, WE WERE VERY CLOSE. HE WAS 24 YEARS OLD, I LOST OVER 30 LB. IN LESS THAN ONE MONTH, I LOST ALL MOTIVATION,AMBITION,DETERMINATION,STRONG WILL POWER,AND THE GET UP AND GO. I EVEN LOST THE DESIRE TO WORK AFTER 25 YR'S ON THE JOB. I AM NOT THE SAME HALF OF ME WENT WITH HIM. I DO HAVE ANOTHER SON, HE IS 16 YR'S OLD NOW AND I HAVE A GRANDSON THE SAME AGE 16. THEY ARE 6 MONTHS APART. THIS IS THE SON I LOST: ONLY SON. I WAS RIPPED AND STRIPPED TO PIECES.  SINCE THEN A HELL OF A LOT MORE DO TO THE CIRCUMSTANCES. THEY GOT AWAY WITH MURDER AND RAN ME OUT OF MY FIVE BED ROOM HOME, I HAVE HAD TO MOVE 3 TIMES. I HAVE BEEN ON STRESS MEDICATION SLEEPING PILLS AND HORMON PILLS BUT I NO LONGER TAKE NOTHING. I REALLY FEEL LIKE I'M SLOWLY FADEING AWAY DO TO THIS UNDYING ENTERNAL PAIN ,CAUSED BY THE LOSS OF MY SON. EVERY BODY INCLUDING MYSELF KNOWS I AM NOT THE SAME BELINDA, I KNOW I AM IN A DEPRESSION STAGE, WHICH ONE; I DON'T KNOW BUT I HAVE BEEN SINCE OCT. 2001 AND HAVE NO CLOSE FRIENDS OR ANY TO JUST WANNA BE THERE FOR ME. EVERY ONE ELSE HAS A LIFE OR HAS JUST MOVED ON . I AM HAVING A STAND STILL PROBLEM WITH THIS. NO JUSTICE SERVED, NO CLOSURE. JUST LIVE IN MY ROOM ON MY COMPUTER MOST OFTHE 22 HOURS OUT OF 24. SO I WOULD LOVE TO GET THE OLD BELINDA BACK ALONG WITH GETTING BACK INTO YHE SIZE 8 CLOTHES I WAS WEARING THEN, I NOW  WEAR SIZE 4 TO 5 AND I LOOK SO SKINNY, YOU CAN SEE THE VAINS IN MY ARMS AND THE WRINKLES IN MY STOMACH FROM SO MUCH WEIGHT LOSS, STRESS AND LOSS OF APPETITE                               (NOW YOU REALLY KNOW WHO I AM)