Last night it happened again where I found myself standing in front of my window, crying. It was about 2 in the morning and I don't remember getting out of bed or anything.  All I know is the pain in my heart was real.  Now, like before, I am dealing with a very bad headache. I usually have to darken the room and cover my eyes and wait for it to pass.  I take the over the counter migrane meds because I can't afford anything else.  The insurance I have from the job sucks.  I am still paying for the last trip to the emergency room last year. But today, I can't afford to stay in bed or the darken room. I have to go to work.  These are the times when I wonder if I will be able to see my dreams come true. I think if one did, they would all fall into place.  What's my biggest dream? It used to be to have my stories published so I can share them with people.  Now, I just want to be able to take care of Mom.  She deserves that.  I am sorry that I seem to always complain, but having this to do, helps in so many ways.  My siblings all think all I want is attention.  No, all I want is relief.   I have sunshine in my heart, but every now and then, that dark cloud finds it's way in.  Thanks to all who reads this without rolling their eyes. Believe me, I have seen that from people so much that I try not to say anything to anyone.  But, like now, my Mom knows I am in pain.  I hate when she does because she worries.  She has high blood pressure and a bad heart.  She doesn't need this stress.  Sometimes, I think she would do better without me.  My youngest brother and his wife has asked her to move in with them. I told Mom she could if she wanted too.  She said she went through that before and didn't want to do it again.  I am very relieved because Mom is my best friend and we get along like mother and daughter and sisters!  I always try to think of ways to make her happy.  I want to take her on a trip someplace. We went to Vegas a coulple of time and had fun. We only gambled a little. Mostly we walked the Strips or just stayed in the room and ordered room service. Then we would look out the window and people watch.  I want to do that again.  Is that wanting too much?