Hi, Just to start off, depression happens. Plain and simple. I am a normaly happy go lucky person, I have a wonderful husband, and the coolest little kid on the planet. I also have a great job. I don't sound like the type of person that should be depressed. However, here I am 4 in morning, I can't sleep, and I can't seam to stop crying. I know that I have been a little bit out of it lately, but I have not had any one major thing that I can say contributed to my unhappyness, but a lot of little and insignificant things that just seamed to snowball into me loosing control of my emotions. So two days ago, another day that I couldn't seam to stop crying, I went to see the doctor, tried to pinoint what was going on, and here I am. A new member of the happy pill brigade. My doctor told me that I should find someone to talk to, I'm not sure this is what he had in mind, but I used to journal a lot, so I'm trying a new outlet.
So, I am a happy person, I have always been the annoing one that tells everyone to "smile, it can't be that bad" Well, this is where I insert foot into mouth. I don't know what is so bad, but I can't seam to smile. And already in this blog, I have made a stupid joke to cover up how I realy feal. The problem is, I don't know how to feel. When I called the doctor on tuesday, I thought that it was just stress. I had some headaches over the last few weeks, and some stomache problems, again nothing I could contribute to anything in particular, They were just happening a little more often then I would like, I knew of a few small things that were stressing me out, but nothing I couldn't handle, or so I thought, apperantly I don't deal with stress very well. So I go to the Dr. He is asking me questions trying to pinpoint what is going on, and I start crying again, I don't know why, he wasn't asking me anything weird or unexpected. Then I realize I am crying because I am frustrated that I don't know what is going on in my own mind. Sad, because I have to admit that I am sad. I have to admit, I'm not the happy go lucky person that I normaly am, and sad, because I have to admit that, independent as I am, I can not tackle this on my own. Sad, because I am no longer in control of how I feel.
I had to come home and figure out how to tell my husband that I needed help, and that I can't do this alone. I didn't know how to break it to him that I wasn't happy, I din't want him to blame himself, I didn't blame him, but he is one of those guys that can fix anything. How was I supposed to tell him that he couldn't fix me. I was also embarrased and ashamed. I didn't understand how I could let myself get this far gone without even realizing that I had a problem. Why didn't I ask for help before I got this overwhelmed. WHY DID I GET DEPRESSED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I have every realson to be happy, I have a wonderful family, I have a great job that I love, I have great friends, I have a home and a car and I have enough of everything I need, what right do I have to be depressed, how selfish am I that when so many people are struggling just to survive right now, I go and get depressed. It didn't make sense to me, it still doesn't. Granted, I am only on day two, maybe I'll figure it out, maybe not, I just don't know.
I think that is why I am here, writing this. Depression happens. Plain and simple. There is no rhyme or reason to, it can happen at any time to any person. I have no idea how long of a journey this is goig to be for me. But I will be back to write more as I am going through things, because I think it is important for people to know that they are not alone. There are better options then spending a day crying for no reason, if you need help, don't be afraid to go and get it.
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Welcome to the Doctors, I am really sorry to hear you are depressed. I too am suffering from this. You don't need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. The best thing you could have done is ask for help. I tried to keep it to myself for awhile and then came to the conclusion that I couldn't do it alone any longer. I have a wonderful and caring wife. She was so supportive when I told her that I was depressed. I went to the doctor and I am taking the "Happy Pill" as well and it does help. Though the best therapy is talking about it.
I am here if you ever need to chat and I know others here feel the same way. You can read my profile and it'll explain the reasons for my depression. I hope you start to feel better soon and know that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Hope you have a nice day and look forward to chatting with you...
Take care and smile, Jeff
Laylir,
What kind of doctor are you seeing? You sound very strong, so it might be that something healthwise is off. My suggestion is that you see an Endocrinologist and have your hormones, thyroid, etc checked out. Any doctor can check levels, but Endocrinologist, hormones and glands are their specialty.
I have had a slew of health problems. Being a women, I trusted gynecologist.............big mistake. They are surgeons, plain and simple. After several years of symptoms and seeking the help of four gynecologist, they all suggested that it was in my head. I went to one Endocrinologist, and running one test (same as gyns did, with same results)the Endocrinologist found WHAT was in my head, a tumor.
In no way am I saying not to go to a gyn, all women need annual paps/pelvic exams. What I am saying is not to expect them to be full service.
Laylir, Was glad to read that you have a journal. A journal is a wonderful way to let it all out. (and silent screams in the privacy of your home are too!) Keep writing and let it all go. It's great therapy. I do it and I always write from my heart. Uncensored. Don't worry about what other people think or say when you write. The pen and paper don't judge you. Hopefully you are able to get out for some "me" time. A breathe of fresh air. Take a different route if you work, mix up your routine a bit. Don't be afraid to jump in and try new things. You will start seeing things differently soon enough. Stay strong and keep writing.
Yes, depression can just happen. For someone who is normally not depressed, a medical checkup would be in order. Was your thyroid checked? You mentioned being up at 4am - how is your sleep usually? Sleep of insufficient quantity or quality can cause symptoms that look like depression. Best wishes in resolving your symptoms.
Be well. bobbie
as a new mother working and caring for everyone you may not be depressed at all, you may have a hormone imbalanced a simple blood test can determine if that is the case. happy pills do have bad side affects and consiquences over long term use. so my friend dont be hard on yourself, it happens, but if your doctor did not check your blood for imbalances, request one. to happier days my friend,keep me posted
I totally understand.....I, like you, do not have alot to be depressed about. I have a great job, am always trying to cheer others up...but for some reason I am depressed. And I cannot shake the mood....I just don't know what to do to get it to pass. There are many times I am okay but then out of nowhere I feel down. It is a struggle.......
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