Sue, You're human and I appreciate your honesty.  I'm also glad that you're honest with yourself.  You are right, this is a place to be honest.  You've beat yourself up and got it off your shoulders so you need to move on.  I say that with ALL sincerity. Diana

First my friend you made it for a year kudos to you... That is something to be so proud of you and you should be of youself that takes a lot of hard work and courage. Please don't beat yourself up to much. You have a lot of tools to work with.As we all know something lead up to this so figure that out and it will help you beware if it creeps up again. Please don't focus on the one day slip think about the one year that is the bigdeal. You did the right thing going to a meeting and starting over so keep up the good work and keep going to meetings. I hate it when we find out we are human.LOL So my friend just keep keeping on and going to meetings and don't forget the last yr you are a hero and sometime shit happens.So dwell on the positive not the negative. You are very special.

Love

Sheilah

When I was reading this I began to tear up,not cause you had a hic-up in your life but because I could feel how hard this is for you.I have followed your blogs since you started them,and will continue to read your new ones.I will be there right along side of you.Don't be hard on yourself anymore.You have started over again and that's what's important.

Take Care.

Yvonne

LB

Dont beat yourself up about it you made it a whole year plus XXX days that in itself is GREAT !you were right in going to the meeting ! That is COURAGOEUS!! Thanks for your honesty and I am still sticking with you !! You can do this ! I know you can .  I am gonna give you my email if you ever want to vent  please email me ANYTIME !! I will be there for you .It's like a family on here .

Big hugs to you and Brightest Blessings

Lisa

lisabethk@cox.net

You're honest with yourself..... you're feeling disappointed in yourself.... you're telling us about it..... Girl you are so on the right track.  One year is incredible since it seems you have been going so long on this alcohol and drugs track.  I'm not going to sugarcoat it.  It'll will be an EVERY DAY struggle and I'm sure you already know that.... I'll be looking through your blogs more closely. :-)

I speak from experience, only I was a hypocrite.  I was a member of M.A.D.D (Mother's Against Drunk Drivers) yet I continued telling myself that "I was okay to drive".  Until I got a rude awaking from driving home so drunk that I only remember a huge  thud and whiplash and wheels spitting gravel as I pulled out of the ditch back onto the road and CONTINUED DRIVING.  In the morning I looked at the rear of my car and realized that I had hit a highway sign... and only a highway sign, not a human, someone's sister, brother, daughter, son, mother, etc etc and I have God to thank for that as I could have ruined my entire life.  I have a glass of wine here or there but never to the point of all out passed out and I try not to drink at all.  I even have gone to the point of walking away from the temptation when I know I won't keep it to one. I've done it through a support group called family.

YOU CAN and WILL move on so please, please ,please don't beat yourself up over it.  People make mistakes, that's why we're called human.  It seems that there is a whole new version of "support group" right here right now on this very website.

xoox

Sinikka

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia ~

I am sorry to hear about your relapse but the phrase " To err is human to forgive is divine" is what needs to be put into play in this case. You need to forgive yourself for this relapse cause we your friends have already forgiven you. I know you had it rough with your fear of flying and the thoughts that went through your head must have really terrified you to get you to the point that you felt that you needed that shot of liquid courage and I know that the strength you have inside will come out again and you will once again and you will find yourself back on the right path and know that we are here for you to talk to too, to help you when you need a friend(s) but we are never here to judge for we to have skeletons in our closets mine are named June and Todd lol. But seriously don't cause yourself to become ill over this just get back to your meetings and make sure to reconnect with your support system. You will need them.

                                                                Love and luck,Carrie

Susan,  You see what happens when we go and think too much.  You really really thought that you would NEVER EVER drink again....?  That sort of surprises me coming from you.  You know that the possibility will always be there already !!  It's like being in remission, it will never end.  Take your fresh token and keep going..forget about the one you think you betrayed, it's over. You do know what it is to be straight and by reading your blog..you are far from "numb".   Keep going back to your AA family, they will keep you strong.  And if you feel that you need more, then go back in to rehab...there is no shame in that Susan.  Just please, look back, but don't keep looking back.  When you feel a little better, you may want to begin addressing your flying schedule..take away what it is that may tempt you into drinking.  Don't be hard on yourself..flying these days is  controversial..but now you know..if you must fly, you can tell a flight attendant in private..  You may even be able to arrange to be seated with people in your same situation.  There was once an AA meeting held on a plane, during flight, because of this same problem you had.  This should be addressed also in the airline industry.  You are not the first one to lose their sobriety on an airplane Susan...this happens more often than one may think.  Please keep talking with friends.  God bless you.  Norey

You are allmy angels and I love you

xox

Dear Susan,

I am happy you decided to come back and confide in us.  You know as anyone does, alcoholism is a disease.  You cannot cure it.  There were many upheavals in your life on your road to sobriety.  That is what life is all about.  You must remember, you are stronger than your urges.  You and you alone have the ability to make the choice.  You have chosen to go back to your meetings.  Let's celebrate One Day at a Time.  You have XXX days now.  Embrace that beginner token.  The only person you have to be true to is you.  The only person you have to impress is you.  The people who love you will support you on your journey, wherever it takes you.  That is all of us.  I am sad for you that you had a drink.  I am happy for you that you didn't climb iside a bottle and spend days, weeks, years there.  You are a smart, beautiful woman, whether you are smoking, drinking or ten years sober.  You hold your head up high and be proud that you were able to do this for one full f***ing year.  Life is a challenge.  Look how far you have come.  You can walk out that door.  You can get on a plane.  You can choose to drink or stay sober.  Thank you for having the faith in us to trust us with your story.  We love you.  Stay strong.  Bobbie

tombobbie@optonline.net

Im going to put this as short as I possiably can, as all have said its all right to fall down, WE all do it. We all fall but its the getting up and dusting off the dirt and realizing what was done and that its not what we wont. Faceing that battle and charging forward is what we all do girl you have me on your side and so many others that are facing that same battle your going through dont fret, just look to the right of you to your left of you look behind and of corse in front were all here with you and never never forget that. We are only HUMAN though, but we all can be what we wont with some good old hard WORK and good friends and family behind us.                       love ya and ROCK ON down that road, ya the one were all on.......

Im going to put this as short as I possiably can, as all have said its all right to fall down, WE all do it. We all fall but its the getting up and dusting off the dirt and realizing what was done and that its not what we wont. Faceing that battle and charging forward is what we all do girl you have me on your side and so many others that are facing that same battle your going through dont fret, just look to the right of you to your left of you look behind and of corse in front were all here with you and never never forget that. We are only HUMAN though, but we all can be what we wont with some good old hard WORK and good friends and family behind us.                       love ya and ROCK ON down that road, ya the one were all on.......

I'm sorry you feel so bad... but try not to focus on the only relapse you had in over a year. You should be proud of yourself for having the strength to endure a whole year without alcohol when you've been drinking practically all your life. Breaking ridiculous habits like biting nails is hard to do, but you managed to break something as addictive as substance abuse for a long time. I read your blogs from time to time even though I don't comment... you're still a hero to me

Hanah

Are you doing o.k. Susan,

I am sorry you felt like you had to beat yourself up over one slip up, I was at a point

in my life where I was drinking more than I knew I should, I got to the point where

I finally thought about had bad it made me feel, how it affected my health an more

than that, the money I was just throwing away. I have never regretted giving it up

and it's a habit just like smoking is, I am about to try my third time on guitting

the cigarettes, maybe I will succeed, maybe I won't but I only have to answer to

myself and I hope I can succeed, cause I have quit for seven months and I will

never forget how great everything smelled, tasted, and how good I slept and most

of all how good I felt. Be good to yourself, you are human an none of us are perfect.

Karen.........aka Sludge

Sue- Hi there. I'm so proud of you for picking yourself right back up again and going right to a meeting.Keep up the work. I've missed talking with you.I'm aces24. But here I'm miley. Take care and keep your chin up and I'm working on doing the same.

                                                    miley