As a result of suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and some extenuating circumstances in my life, from the age 30 through 32, I self-injured. A few years later, after therapy in a trauma treatment center, along with victims rights advocates that assisted me, I look at my arms completely saddened by the keloid scars it left behind. In seeking possible solutions to dimish the appearance of these keloids along with the other scars left behind, I was saddened to find that there is no way to completely repair or take away the keloid scar. My self esteem has been really shot down because of my own actions to self-injure. Mental illness of any sort, especially that which is caused by a traumatic event that has happened (that was not your fault)... is really painful and hard to overcome. Being disabled isn't easy. It is really hard to work with flashbacks of being victimized, raped, and then seeing the effects of the trauma come in a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a dissociative disorder (caused from years of childhood sexual abuse and other abuses growing up)... that led me to have a mental illness. Unfortunately, it wasn't caught until the age of 30, where the PTSD heightened due to the rape (a recently added traumatic event).
Being scarred emotionally is one thing. Being scarred as a result of self-injury is the most shameful place I've been in my entire life. I cannot blame anyone else other than myself. Although I would like to, seeking treatment and help assisted me in living a healthier lifestlye.
Now I have to live with seeing the painful scars that remind me of the emotions I faced and coped with in unhealthy ways.
I wish there was some great treatment out there to fix the scars on my arms so I can wear short sleeves again. I wish more people understood self-injury so I could be accepted.
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I am so sorry to hear your situation. I too suffer from PTSD...I wrote a blog on it a couple months ago. If you would like to read it, go to my page and you'll see it in blogs I have written.
I myself have found relief in my loyal and caring wife. If it wasn't for her, I am not sure what life would be like. I am also taking an anti-depressant...this just takes the edge off if I do feel down or get any flashbacks. I, like you have scars and looking at them just gets me down. Try to look into the future and know you are alive...many people with the same situations you and I have experienced didn't make it. I hope you feel better soon. If you "ever" need someone to talk to, I am always here.
Take care, Jeff
Dear GL, OMG. I am sorry for what you have been through. I am sending you a hug. You were young and unwell when you self injured. You are older and wiser now. I am so in awe of your strength. No person should have to experience any of what you experienced. What you had done to you would cripple a lesser person. Instead of looking at your scars as mistakes, look at them as battle wounds, proof that you are overcoming the pain and agony inflicted on you by some sicko, (or multiple sickos,) as the case may be. Try speaking to a good dermatologist, maybe you can wear short sleeves again. If it were me, I would wear what I want. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Thank you for serving our country. You are a brave soul and you should be proud of the fact that you are getting the help you need. Stay strong and if need be, lean on us. That is what we are here for. Best of luck, Bobbie P.S. You can blame the slime that abused you for this. You certainly didn't stand up one day and say to your family members, hey today would be a good day to be molested, what do you say? They should all be wiped off the face of the earth. In the meantime, ease up on yourself. You didn't ask for any of this. B
Get a tattoo! seriously, Pick out something you like that the next time you look down it will make you smile instead of thinking about the pain you went through. So many beautiful ones now or even a saying that will help you move on.
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