IT’S NOT OVER UNTIL GOD SAYS IT’S OVER BY DONNA GENTRY

      My name is Donna Gentry, and I was born Sept 1, 1966 to the parent of Harold (Dude) and Marie Gentry.  My father, was a player from the word go.  He was 12 years older than my mother, and he cheated on her continuously.  They were married for three years, and then I came along, and I was the apple of my daddy’s eye.  My mother, had cervical cancer, and had to have a complete hysterectomy at the age of 20 years old.  I did not communicate with my mother at all through my childhood; it just was not the way that she was raised.  She did not touch me, nor did she speak to me, unless she was telling me to do something.  I remember one time when I ask my mother “where does babies came from?” She looked hysterical, panicked and never answered me.  My father abused my mother, mentally.  He used my mother, she was his slave.  My father got sick, when I was seven years old; they could not diagnose him and he went all over the world to many different hospitals, but to no avail he just lay and suffered.  Diabetic neuropathy, heart disease, vascular problems, basically all neural and motor diseases, and he died at 48 years old, and so that’s why I hardly ever seen my mother at all, because she had to work two jobs, and I was left to care for my father.  He changed from day to night.  His whole attitude went crazy.  I took care of my father every day.  I got up, went to school; a private Christian school, that was ran by my father’s brother.  I came home, cleaned house, learned to cook, gave him his medications, and eventually gave him his shots.  He took over 48 different medications a day, and two shots.  My life, by the time I was 12 years old was a living hell.  I had “NO CHILDHOOD”!  This is when I started hanging out at the local recreation center, and I got in with the wrong crowd, and ended up running away from home for a week. I started drinking, smoking weed, popping pills, and doing anything that I could do to relieve the pain and anger that was so built up inside of me.  I was released from the Youth Detention Center, and was placed in regular schools, and that is where I ended up partying more, rebelling, staying out later and eventually at the age of 14 years old ended up pregnant. My dad dragged me to the NSFPC in Atlanta and made me have an abortion that completely destroyed my life.  It was that or my dad said “he would ram a coat hanger up me when I got home in the bath tub.  My mother NEVER said a word, because it was against “family morals”.  From the age of four years old a neighbor molested me, at the age of nine years old, my dad’s best friend fondled me, and around 12 years old a Preacher of one of our neighbors tried to rape me. My two best friend’s gang raped me at the age of sixteen. By the time I was 17 years old; I thought that “LOVE” was having sex with anyone that would have me. I met my daughter’s father when I was 19 years old, and I immediately got pregnant again, and I must say that was the best thing that ever happened in my life. My dad died when I was sixteen, and I never said good-bye to him. He was in a semi-coma for about six weeks, and on one particular day when I went to visit him; he didn’t know my name. Everything does happen for a reason, because Jill is bi-racial, and he would have NEVER accepted that fact, and it would have been the death of one of us, because another child was not going to die. I grieved for over 30 years, and believe me; I did everything that I could to not feel, and when I did feel; it was only rage or anger. At 16 years old; I graduated from Dalton High School, and believe it or not; I was an Honor graduate, and I graduated early, and I was so messed up; I nearly missed my graduation, because I was too busy partying.  I cannot even begin to tell the number of car wrecks that I was in, and I know that the hand of the LORD and the angels were all around me, because there is not one reason that I should be alive to tell about those wrecks to this day.  I know that I was in one, one time so badly that it knocked the boots off of my feet, and I slid 150 feet on the hood of my brand new Datsun 280Z. I lived with a 40 something year old man who was in the Italian Mafia; who lived in Chattanooga, Jim Ed H. He owned Fantasy 2000, and then I moved back to Dalton after he figured out my real age. So, I was 19 years old and introduced to the streets of new-town, or the “hood,” and I literally lived there until I was 37 years old.  So, in all honesty; I have never married; I’ve been sober seven years, February 4, 2012 will be eight years,  and I have been mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually abused, and rejected by so many. I have never fit in anywhere all of my life. I only have friends; the kind who want me when they want something.  I have a heart of gold, I would not hurt a flea, yet for some reason; I have had to fight my way through life from my childhood on, and for some reason it seems that people still continue to try me, and try to take advantage of my kindness, and all in all ~ all I have ever wanted was to be loved and to be accepted.  I live alone because I have a lot of physical deformities, that I feel would not be pleasing to a man, and most men would only want me for one reason, and I would like to save that until I can get married.  Unfortunately, in the state of GA. because I am on disability; I cannot get married, and right now I need my Medicaid and SSI. I have tried dating, but every time I do, a man wants to get in my pants. I have been on disability the majority of my life, and as I sit here; the WISDOM that GOD has truly given me through the years is much greater than any silver or gold! I KNOW without a DOUBT in my mind that everything happens for a reason, and when I don't get my way; it is only to teach me how to be patient, and how to persevere.  I know this is only a test of life, a race to the end; I can throw in the towel at any time or I can finish the race.  The BIBLE never says "how you will finish the race" it just says "to FINISH".  So, I may finish on one leg, crawling, or someone dragging me, BUT I know WHO I am and I know that I will get to the FINISH LINE! I certainly understand being "TRAPPED" in a world of rage, anger, bitterness, depression, misery, pain, suffering,   attempted suicide, FEAR of the unknown, NO TRUST, and all simply "because" WORD CURSES has been spoken continuously over me ~ DAILY! The Doctors diagnosed me with having severe mental depression. I look back today, and I can certainly “SEE” as clear as day at “WHO I AM AND WHY MY LIFE HAS BEEN UNDER A MAJOR DEMONIC ATTACK!” I “SEE” how the devil; through many different traumatic circumstances that occurred during my childhood, truly  the devil has tried to take my life… more than once, twice or even three times, and he still continues to try each day! PRAISE GOD for the BLOOD OF JESUS! Now, don’t let me give the devil too much credit.  I knew the Word at a very early age, and my FLESH chose to make a lot of bad choices, and through those choices it nearly cost me my life several times. Thank the LORD I was saved and baptized as a child; and, I had a praying grandma, mom, family and friends, and the Warring Angels was sent to protect me. However; I was not BORN AGAIN until many years later, and being born again, and SPIRIT-FILLED, AND HAVING A PRAYER LANGUAGE IS DIFFERENT!! I am; OF COURSE, still working out my Salvation daily!  I am only human.  The difference is now; I know I am under the BLOOD of JESUS CHRIST, and if I do fall down; I get back up, because you can’t keep a RIGHTEOUS WOMAN DOWN! I am BLESSED in My Coming INS, I am BLESSED in My going OUTS!  I AM ABOVE and NOT Beneath; I AM THE HEAD AND NOT THE TAIL; I AM AN OVER COMER and the devil CANNOT TOUCH ME! I AM UNDER THE BLOOD OF JESUS…I TREMBLE NOW with the FEAR of GOD, but no longer do I ever fear the devil or man! The Word of GOD says “If GOD is for me, WHO can be against me”?

      Now, whether through rape, molestation, peer pressure, or childhood aberrations "you’re worthless, no good and you will always be just like your father;" I heeded to those words, and I took them straight to my heart and lived everyday as a shameful, disgusted, ugly, worthless, no-good human being.  I was raised in a private Christian school, and I thank GOD for the word that was instilled in me at a very young age; PRAISE IS TO GOD FOR THAT, or I would not be here today!  As stated previously, I became promiscuous at the age of 12 because my "father" who was the apple of my eye became deathly sick, and he died at the age of 48 years old from an unknown etiology.  That was 2 years before he died; I became pregnant and was taken to the NORTH-SIDE FAMILY PLANNING CLINIC, in Atlanta, and I was MADE to have an abortion. I then separated myself from GOD my Heavenly Father, and my father on earth, and I blamed my mother for not speaking up for me for many years. Now; as I look back, and in knowing 30 years ago a woman in the household had “no say so”, and my mother also had no choice; she had to work 2 jobs in order to maintain our family household. The devil was truly out to steal, kill and destroy my life at a very early age. Today, my Mother and my daughter are everything to me, and without their prayers going up; I know that I would not be here today.  I was so angry at the whole world, so full of blame, rage, vengeance, guilt, shame, remorse, confusion and hatred, and my self-esteem was so low that I drank and drugged every day just to cover-up the pain.  I was saved in 2001 by the Grace of GOD at Dalton House of Prayer by; believe it or not a Pastor who was my former dealer and today is still my brother in CHRIST and friend.  However; I had so many strongholds that they just could not be broken so easily; it was not so simple for me, as it may have been for some people where they got saved, and “poof” as simple as that; “you just get saved then go lay it at the alter and then you’re healed"… NO!  I had 28 years of demons that were lurking around inside of me that had to be renounced! I had been a “WHORE” for over 20 years, so everyone I slept with that they slept with that they slept with had demons, and I now had multiple demons.  I had played around with tarot cards, the Ojibwa board, demons of lying had manifested, as well as manipulation, demons of suicide and depression, anger, jealousy, such bitter roots that grew so deep that this was going to be a process, and not just an incident, but no-one explained this; for some reason; it was as if they just expected me to know; KNOW WHAT?  My ears had been closed for so long, and my eyes sown shut; I did not know how to go about anything but living life on life's terms as an alcoholic and a drug addict!!   I knew the Word of GOD, and I knew I had to read and study, but I just couldn’t shake that feeling that I had in my chest that I just couldn’t put my finger on. .  I just knew every time that I had that feeling “I had to have a drink or a drug”. That feeling was called “EMOTIONS” and sadly; I did not know what they were.   You see; I only knew 2 emotions ~ RAGE and ANGER!  Anyway, I just couldn’t fight that battle and, I went back out to the streets for a couple more years. Well, a great Blessing came when GOD allowed my liver to shut down, and I literally "lost my mind".  I could not stop drinking, and here I was on Interferon going down to Atlanta every week, I was on chemo and radiation; my kidneys was losing control and my bowels. The Doctors were saying “there was no hope”.  My family has even to this day paid for my funeral.  Then one day, the Doctor came in and said, "Miss Gentry, someone up stairs really loves you, because you liver enzymes are dropping".  My family took me home, put me in the bed, and begged me not to open the door. Well, it does not work that easy when you have an assassination attempt on your life!!! The devil came knocking, and I willingly opened the door, to a man; whose dead today and another friend with all the illicit drugs and alcohol that I needed to end my life.  I was as green as a lime when my mother saw me 2 days later.  She took one look at me, and walked out the door, and said "I had rather see you in that casket than to see you live your life like this anymore" and she left.  My daughter was 17 then, and had already moved in with my mother. I don't recall how long that I laid in my own feces and vomit, but when I cried out to JESUS and ask HIM "what do you want with me?" "Why will you not just let me die?"  In that instant something happened to me.  I got up, cleaned up, and called another friend in the church that had been through similar experiences; he came and got me and took me to a "meeting".  GOD used those "meetings" as a scaffold for 1 year of my sobriety, and then he moved me into the Christian 12 steps of recovery with so many loving women that I learned how to love like CHRIST, feel my emotions, and share my LOVE; the LOVE of CHRIST with others, and then I was given the opportunity to teach others the way to CHRIST through the message of hope and the Christian 12-steps.  I have made so many mistakes through the years, but to me they were only lessons learned on this journey called life.  I am often asked now, "do I feel once an addict always an addict?"  My answer is NO!  I was saved by GRACE, and through FAITH GOD made me a new creation.  II Cor. 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in CHRIST JESUS he is a new creation, all things have passed away and all things have become new"!  If the Son is Free, then I am free in deed.  I was the problem; not the drugs or the alcohol, and once I realized that I had to take responsibility for all of my faults, and stop blaming others, then GOD started repairing me!  It is amazing at how just saying "I am sorry for the bitterness that I have had in my heart for someone can release a person from so much anger and bitterness!  It was also during this time that I went to a Perry Stone Conference and was baptized to pray in the SPIRIT, and then I met a man who was in deliverance.  Praise is to GOD, because I had so many strongholds from sleeping with men for 20 years, and there were just some possessions that did not want to leave me.  Praise GOD for this family from Augusta, and through GOD, they worked with me for months, and through them teaching me specific scriptures to apply in my life, and about spiritual warfare, and teaching me about how the enemy has studied me since birth, and that I could not save the world that this was GOD'S JOB; I had to let go of so many friends, that it hurts me to this day, but that does not mean that I do not pray for these people, and some are family members!  Anyway! I was truly set free.  I then met my mentor and Spiritual Father and Leader, and from there; Through GOD an Outreach Ministry was started, working with the homeless, domestic violence men, women and children, addicts and alcoholics. I have received my EMT license; I have been through all but 2 classes of LPN school; and AMA school, but due to health complications; I had to withdrawal.  After an Achilles tendon reconstruction that was "botched" and no other Doctors wanted to touch me.  I did not walk for 9 months, but I am walking now! That was over two years ago. I have also received two Christian Counseling degrees, for Helping People GOD’S WAY August 2011, and then another bad report from the Doctors once again.  I am going to have to go back to Emory in September the 24^th, but my daughter got married to Eddie Jackson on October the 29^th  and I have yet been able to finish up my degree because of the in depthless, and the over-whelming pain and attacks that I have been under. I have been so angry at the Doctors who have let things slip by them, simply because of my insurance, but I have to remember that they are not GOD, and GOD has the final say, and it’s not over until HE says it’s over!  I have worked so hard for these past 7 years of my Deliverance and my Salvation in CHRIST to get off of disability and Medicaid.  I am not perfect, and I do not know everything, but I try each day to live to the best of my ability and walk with integrity. I am a little nervous at jumping out on FAITH into the work world, and yet so excited; I just do not know what to do with myself, but I know that my GOD is way greater than my understandings! My hopes in 2012 are to continue to share the Good News of CHRIST daily, and finish my last year at South University with my Bachelors in Science in Emergency Health and Disaster Relief.  However, if I could go back to school, and do reflexology and study diseases and herbs; I could open my own business, and finally, after all these years, be off of disability and Medicaid; own my on business, maybe even get married! My mother and I have the best relationship we have ever had, my mother is my best friend, and together, her and my daughter; we make The Gentry Girls!  I love the Lord with ALL of MY Heart, and I would give the shirt off of my back literally to share what the LORD has done in my life.  I am a Prayer Warrior, and I pray in the Spirit, and I can pray without ceasing! But lately, I just don’t know, I have been feeling like I don’t know where I belong.  I feel like I am missing something; I am 45 years old, and something has got to give!  I want so much more for my life, not to be on disability for the rest of my life!  I need my JOY BACK!  Anyway, Thank you so much for reading my story; my prayer is that each day is just another day to be added into the great PLAN of the MASTER!

Respectfully Submitted,

Donna Gentry