Its been a tough year, but I am coming out on top.  I never blogged before, certainly not about my year so forgive me if this is a long post.

I have always been into working out, but have also always struggled with being overweight.  In March 2011 I had ACL reconstruction (I injured it trying Brazilian JuiJitsu). Then in April 2011, 4 days before my 48th Birthday I got diagnosed with infiltrating ductal carcinoma. My birthday present is that I get to dodge the bullet coming at my head. Out of bad things good things come, and all that I have been through has helped me to continue my focus on getting in shape. Between the knee surgery in March and a double mastectomy in April (I may talk about that more later) I lost about 30 pounds. At just barely 5 feet and about 130 pounds I'd like to lose another 10 to 15 pounds.

I am very lucky as my cancer was caught early.  I cannot stress the importance of annual mammograms. I thought I felt something, but my breasts always felt lumpy. I found the lump a couple of weeks before my regularly scheduled mammogram. The time between that first mammogram and the follow up mammogram, sonogram, sonogram guided biopsy, mri guided biopsies, was like living in a nightmare. It was probably one of the most anxious times of my life.

I have been very agressive about my treatment. I wanted to throw everything I can at this cancer so that I reduce my chances of a recurrence within the next 10 yearts as much as possible. I opted for a bilateral mastectomy (surgery was May 12, 2011), with reconstruction started at the time of the surgery.  My oncotype dx score was smack dab in the middle, so I had a choice about chemo. Again, in the vein of throwing everything I can at my cancer I opted to take the chemo.

Four treatments three weeks apart. I finished chemo about six weeks ago (maybe I will write about that another time). Right before I started chemo (in June) I developed a pretty bad infection on the left side (my left side is the doomed side, that is where the cancer was, it was  my left knee that required ACL reconstruction, I could go on but won't). The tissue expander had to be removed.  It was easy to pop out, just a simple procedure in my plastic surgeon's operating room - no anesthesia, no big deal, I just felt really sick from the infection. To put it back in was a pretty big deal, a two hour general anesthesia procedure, a week out of the office. I just had this done this past Monday. I am healing pretty well although I may  have overdone it a bit yesterday when my new rug was delivered. I did not lift it (not that dumb) but I unrolled it. Had quite a bit of pain last night. Iced it and took my tylenol with codene. 

Shall we talk pain meds. I hate them. Percocet makes me itch all over. Vicodin does not do much for the pain and makes me feel icky. I had a nerve block with my mastectomy but it did not work very well. It was great with my ACL surgery. After the mastectomy I was given Vicodin because Percoset makes me itchy. The Vicadin did not do much for the pain, just made me feel icky. I was so miserable the first night in the hospital. At some point the next afternoon i was given Dilaudid. That did the trick but its really strong stuff. So now with the surgical procedure to put back my expander I was given the choice of Vicodin or Tylenol with Codene. I decided I don't like either and have just stopped taking pain meds. Tonight I'll try just regular Tylenol and my Ativan for sleep. 

Should we talk about sleep? Having to sleep on my back again, half sitting up -  yet again, sucks. Its hard to get a comfortable position. At least now I learned the importance of putting something under my knees to reduce the pressure on my lower back.

So, the good news is I am not as lopsided as I was when the expander was taken out (I have been wearing a prosthetic in the meantime). I  now feel like I am healing well.  The bad news, I had to start taking Tamoxifen today.  I am really nervous about the side effects, the menopausal side effects including and perhaps most important the risk of weight gain. I am very proud to say that during chemo I managed to maintain my weight. I know so many people who gain weight on chemo.  I worked hard at it.  I felt like I had to really watch what I ate and had to work out a lot!  I got into the habit of working out in the morning before work (when the weather was good and it was still light out I'd run in the neighborhood, more recently arc trainer for 30 - 40 minutes). I usually take a 20 - 40 minute walk during lunch. I also often work out at night. Some nights its light - Tai Chi or Yoga.  My workout passion is martial arts, currently Krav Maga (Israeli Self Defense). I have been able to do some Krav over the past couple of months and was having fun hitting and kicking the heavy bag.  I worked out throughout my chemo and I think that really helped me feel good. So every time I feel like I am getting strong i have a set back. Now with this recent procedure all I can do again is walk like an old lady. I will have to build up again to where I can  hit a heavy bag and do Krav. I'll be patient. I'll get there - eventually.

I just hope that with a reduced ability to work out and starting Tamoxifen I do not gain weight. Can I continue to lose weight while adjusting to this?  Will i turn into crazy hormonal, menopausal cancer warrior??? Stay tuned.

Thanks for indulging me. I know this is long, but wanted to get it off my chest (no pun intended)