bethanyleigh's Blog

Stupid Boy Gave My Daughter and Me Herpes

Ok.. I really need advice and any information anyone can give me. My exboyfriend, who happens to be the one I lost my virginity to and the only person I have ever had sex with and the father of my child, was unfaithful to me in the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy. He had unprotected sex with multiple partners even though I was pregnant with his child. Well when my daughter was sick and almost died they tested her for all viruses and come to find out, among the other problems she was having she also had herpes. Yeah, that's the way I found out I had it. What I would like to know is how do i tell my daughter when she gets old enough to think she's ready to be sexually active that she has herpes and how can I help her to have a normal life? I would also like to know how I can have a normal sex life and if I ever accomplish a long term relationship with someone who doesn't judge me for this and I choose to get married and want another child, how do I go about this without giving my partner herpes and my child herpes? Oh and btw c-sections are not a guarantee to keep a child from getting something like this; I had a c-section and my baby girl ended up getting it anyway.

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wigglemonkey

best way for both situations, be open and honest. of course you would want your little girl to grow up with a good head on her shoulders in the sex department. informing her would be the best and you should do it slowly and with plenty of information cuz she will ask her fair share of questions. maybe letting her know that she isnt the only one will lesson the blow and use this whole family story as a learning experience. as for your relationships, my friend has the same problem. she has the same std and more but she learned to be honest with people and if they arent understanding and shallow, then they werent there for you to begin with. a good way to find the right person without wasting time to find out they arent worth it. i would have to do more research for the possible second child and prevention for them. good luck :)

bethanyleigh

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. It is very hard to talk about it here since half my family is unaware of me having it.

pottershar

There is medication that you can take to prevent an outbreak.  I know of a couple, she has herpes he married her anyway, there has been no transfer of the disease with her taking this medication.  See your doctor.  And take courage there are nice guys out there.

Amberlandry

Is he crazy? You sound like a good woman- TOO Good for him! I bet he doesn't even care or have any remorse! It's okay because you are better off without him. You WILL find someone who will still accept you & love you, because he'll love you for the right reasons. He'll love you for you, and that's what a REAL man is. If you meet a man who doesn't accept it and still love you-he's not the one so keep looking he's out there. God bless you and your children!!! Take care & good luck with finding your REAL man!!

afifazhar

hi there!!

 its a really sad story but u know that i must say: that's the reason why its prohibited in islam to have sexual relations before marriage. and its a very protective right for women. i can hope that u will believe it. the One who created us knows everything about us, so He made some rules and regulations for us to protect our rights. specially women's rights. u know that sexually transmitted diseases and HIV spreads due to multiple partners and its only possible without marriage (to have multiple partners). but if u have only one partner (husband) and he cant have sexual relations with others,u will surely feel happy and protective and u can never have this disease. we muslim women feel ourselves soooo much protected and we thank our God Almighty that He has given us these fabulous rights. in media there is soo much propaganda abt Islam.

  i will invite you to think about it and feel free to contact with me anytime. and if u r interested in facts and truth, then, do check out this website: www.harunyahya.com there r some presentations and videos and audios. im sure that if u will come to this site, ur frustration  will leave. and u believe that God does exist and listen to His creations and we (human beings) r the best of His creation. i feel necessary to write here the words of God, He says in Quran (translation): "(Muhammad!), if any of My servants ask you about Me, tell them that the Lord says, "I am near; I accept the prayers of those who pray." Let My servants answer My call and believe in Me so that perhaps they may know the right direction."

 im quite sure that u will get out of this frustration soon by the will of God.

take care

regards

Sarah

bethanyleigh

I appreciate all the kind words and the advice that you all have offered. I know I have sinned. All of the human race, no matter how wonderful we might be, are sinners. God loves us regardless, that is why He sent His one and only son to save us from eternal damnation. God gave us free will and knows that we are all going to make mistakes at one point or another. Although I do regret the timing of my losing my virginity, I do not regret losing it because had I never lost it, had I never commited that sin, I would not have my beautiful daughter. I know for a fact that God will forgive me. A sin is a sin. They are all the same in His eyes. As long as we ask for forgiveness and repent and trust in Jesus Christ as our saviour our slates will be wiped clean. God has been the only constant in my life and He already knows every single thing that I will do in my life. He does not expect me to be perfect. No one is perfect. The only one who has ever walked a sinless life was Jesus Christ. and My Lord and Saviour loves me for me. sinner and all.

afifazhar

ya its really nice to know that u so firmly believe in God Almighty. we believe that God sent 1,24,000 prophets on earth. and Jesus (Eisa) peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was one of them. all were messengers and not a single was son of God and prophet Mohammad (peace and blessings of Allah b upon him) was the last of them. in bible also there is no where written that God has any son. bible was given to prophet Eisa (Jesus) but this recent bible is not the one given to prophet Eisa(peace and blessings of Allah b upon him) because the people changed it. Quran was given to prophet Mohammad  (peace and blessings of Allah b upon him) and its in the same language and same condition in which it was given to prophet Mohammad (peace and blessings of Allah b upon him) in Quran also God says in a chapter-112 named Al-Ikhlas (absolutness): (translation):Say (O Mohammad) "He is Allah (the) One. Allah the self sufficient master, Whom all creatures need (He neither eats nor drinks). He begets not, nor was He begotten.and there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him." this is the most beautiful description of Allah given by Allah Himself.

scarlettohara

I'm sorry but I just can't believe that another poster tried to make you feel 'sinful' for having sex before marriage. You certainly aren't the first! Women today are waitint until their 30's, 40's and 50's before they get married. Do we really expect them to abstain through all of those years? I would also like to point out that Islam doesn't have anything up on Christianity, our Bible too says to absatin until marraige. But although I am a Christian, I live in the real world, right here in the good old USA.

I want to remember that 1 in 4 people have the herpes virus. You are far from being alone here. I know a man, a freind of mine who has herpes and found a great woman to marry and have children with. He does take medication to prevent outbreaks and his wife has never caught it. His wife was even able to give birth vaginally without any problems. Of course she really didn't have a choice since both girls arrived before the doctor did.

I strongly suggest that rather than worry over this that you educate yourself on the subject. Education is a powerful tool and will empower you as a confident woman. Search the web, WebMD, read as much as you can and talk to your doctor about it. Your doctor will be able to guide you through this and put you on the proper medication. He/She will also be able to calm your fears on just how commen this really is, that there is nothing for you to feel shameful about. And remember most of all that you are a valuable human being and when you are in a relationship in the future, you will be able to weed out the good men from the bad by this alone. A man who recognizes you for what you are will be willing to deal with this situatiion and give you the love that you deserve.

scarlettohara

After reading the rest of the comments I have to say one more thing. When you get involved in another relationship, (obviously you don't have to mention this on the first few dates) but as things heat up you need to be honest with any potential partners whether you have this under control with medication or not. Herpes can in fact be spread even without an outbreak. It wouldn't be fair to have intimate relations with a man without his knowledge of this. You would be doing the same to him that was done to you. The only way that this will ever stop from being spread is for people to take precautions and to be informed. It would be very wrong to give this to another person without he/she knowing the risk. It was very wrong for this to happen to you, you already know how it feels. I wish you the very best of luck.

bethanyleigh

Thank you for that scarlett, there was a comment from a girl who said that I should try and make the relationship with this piece of sh**  that was so unfaithful with me and stupid about being unfaithful and didn't even have the common sense to wear a condom and gave me herpes. I'm sorry but I am not about to lower myself back to his level when I gave 200% in that relationship and he gave like 5%. Nope, not happening. I have almost come to terms with this problem. The only thing that now has me worried is that in one of the pamphlets that my doctor gave me said that having herpes makes you more likely to contract HIV if exposed to it (God I hope I am never dumb enough to even test fate with that crap) but knowing my luck I would find the a****** that wouldn't tell me that he had that and I'd end up getting it by default. But I've definitely learned my lesson and I hope that the next guy I'm with is alright getting tested for all STDS, ha, because I already got one from being ignorant and way too trusting. That is never going to happen ever again. Thank yall so much for yall's input, and believe me when I say that I am taking it all in, and I appreciate all opinions.. even those I don't quite agree with. Thank yall.

mercedes

I am confused on how your baby ended up with the virus since a c-section was performed.  I was well educated on this virus being in the dental field and know about the transmission of type 1 and type 2.  We had to be very careful with patients blisters on their mouth.

How is the baby exposed if it did not come out the vagnia?  Can the baby be exposed through the blood or in the placenta?  Was a specific blood test performed to tell what type of herpes is present?  I never heard of this and wonder how this occurs.  What did your doctor tell you? 

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