so my twin girls are sick. 2 days ago we were in emerge with them. They thought they had RSV so when they had some breathing issues we brought them in. they did an RSV test and that was not easy to watch. They squrted saline up there nose ans then sucked it out and it got put in this tube. Not fund for them or me.... Then they had to get a chest x-ray done. The nurse warned me that it would be tough to watch them go through it. AND BOY was it EVER!

well we got back after all that and the girls both had to have nebulizer treatments. and they did ok with that. and it helped the whezing and stuff. BUT they were still miserable.

We got them home and they were just so worn out and felt so yucky that they went to bed right way. They selpt through till 7am. though we woke up at every cough and sneze and other noise they made.

other then that im just stressed. my MIL took the girls over last night and is having them till 4pm today. so it will give me a break. right now i need some rest to get over my sinus and ear infection.

but other then that, the PPD meds im on just arnt heping all that well and it sucks. i just feel sad all the time. im still crying at the drop of a hat. and its hard to be in a relationship with my hubby when i cant even express my emotions on how i feel let alone tell him how i feel.... KWIM?

this morining while DH was getting reddy to go to work (some stupid battle of britten pararade thing he has to mangae the guys to set it up) he went and told me he feels depressed. but he wouldent tell me why. and that hurt. It hurts that he cant tell me how he is feeing. The last time he fetl depressed was when he was in an emotional affair with a girl who was under age (we dident know wat the time, she lied to us that she was older) and he quit his good paying job and we lost our condo, and i moved out for a few months....

I just worry al the time. We never seam to make ends meet, and with twins there are some things that we HAVE to get two off, and its just so hard! I mean winter is comming up and i have to find some way to get two winter jackets and pants. I have to find a rain cover for our jogging stroller (as i dont drive) and now one of my girls is on special formula that i have to travel outside of canada to get. And medication that is pricy. Between her formula and medicaton we spend about $400 a month. Thats half of what we spend on rent a month.

i just feel so sad, and feel like life isent going to get better. Its hard. And my maternity leave is up in March (i started early since i was on bed rest) and im not sure how my girls are going to be in daycare. I dont even know how im going to pay for daycare for the both of them. And with one of them having sever acid reflux and needs in that way, im not sure i can leave them. just being scared that someone is going to shake them, and they arnt going to be abe to tell me what is wrong. Its scarry. There are lots of scarry parts of being a parent.

well its almost 8am. And its crummy outside. Im going to try to lay my head down and take a nap while watching some tv.

i hope you all are having a better day then i am!