The following is a list of various types of abuse a counselor gave to me when I was in a new marriage.  Though I had spent 4 years with the man, when we got married, he changed.  After one year I sought counseling and this is the list I went home with to check out.  See how many you can match.

 

Are you being abused?

 

Here is a list to help you determine if you are being abused.

 

ISOLATION:  Restricting Freedoms:

 

Tells you that you can not do something

 

Jealous about who you see

 

Monitors your time, makes you account for where you were

 

Does not allow you to leave the house

 

Makes it difficult for you to get a job

 

Restricts your use of the car

 

Tries to prevent you from contacting family

 

Alienates you from family and friends

 

Turns children against you

 

Keeps you from getting medical care

 

Withholds affection to punish you

Tries to turn people against you

 

MALE PRIVILEGE

 

Demands obedience like you were a servant

 

Makes decisions without your input

 

Treats you like you were inferior

 

Tells you that you can't cope without him

Treats you like a child

 

THREATS AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

 

THREATS TO:

 

Turn people against you

 

Leave the relationship

 

See someone else

 

Take children away from you

 

Leave you short of money

 

Come after you if you leave

 

Have you committed to an institution

 

Hurt or kill you and/or the children

 

Hurt or kill himself/herself

 

Blames you for his/her problem

 

Drives your car in a frightening way

Have someone else kill you, your family, your friends, etc.

 

PHYSICAL ABUSE

 

Throws something at you

 

Pushes, grabs or shoves you

 

Pulls your hair

 

Twists your arm

 

Pins you to the wall, floor, bed...

 

Chokes you

 

Kicks, hits or punches you

 

Hits, or tries to hit you with something

 

Threatens you with a knife/gun or other weapon

 

Tries to run you down with the car

 

Physically and/or sexually abuses the children

 

Kills pets/hurts pets

Deprives you of sleep

 

ECONOMIC ABUSE:

 

Makes you account for all the money spent

 

Keeps you short of money

 

Makes you ask for basic necessities

 

Undermines your attempts to improve your education

 

Undermines your attempts to get or keep ajob

 

Controls the money

 

Makes you ask for money

 

Refuses to give you money

 

Makes all major decisions about money without consulting you

Spends money only on things he wants

 

SEXUAL ABUSE

 

Withholds sex to punish you

 

Pressures you to have sex

 

Forces you to have sex against your will

 

Pressures you to have sex after being abused

 

Pressures or forces you into unwanted sex acts

 

Treats you like a sex object

Inflicts pain on you during sex

 

ANGER AND INTIMIDATION

 

BY:

 

Changing his mood suddenly

 

Giving silent treatment

 

Demonstrating anger

 

Shouting or yelling

 

Pounding fist on table

 

Hitting the wall

 

Throwing or kicking something

Stomping out of the room/house

 

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

 

Says things to spite or insult you in front of others

Puts down your physical appearance

Makes out you are stupid

Criticizes your care of children/home

Calls you names and swears at you

Tells you you are crazy/irrational

Accuses you of having an affair

Ridicules family or friends

Does not show concern for children's needs or concerns

Gets angry when children cry or make demands

Goes through personal things ie. purse, drawers...

Frightens children's friends so they stop coming over

 

 

It may surprise you to know that I had a minimum of 39 of those types of abuse going on in my marriage, which is why I ended it.  Nobody has to tolerate ANY kind of abuse.  If you are being abused, get out now and seek professional help, whether it is through a Shelter, the Police, getting into a hospital, going to a friend's house.  There is always a way.  NEVER put up with anything less than Respect for yourself.