BEEN MARRIED TO A SELF CENTERED CHEATER FOR 17 YRS.

HES HAD BAD RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE I MET HIM,WE BECAME REAL CLOSE FRIENDS I WAS EVEHIS FIRST WIFES ROOM MATE FOR AWHILE. HE CHASED ME FOR 19 YRS ON AND OFF WANTING TO KNOW WHYI WOULDNT GO OUT WITH HIM. DUHHHHHHHHHH MARRIED...THEN HE DIVORCED....31 COUNTS OF ADULTERY IN 30 DAYS....THATS ON THE DIVORCE DEGREE.WELL NOW WE BOTH WHERE FREE SO WE WENT OUT A FEW TIMES AND HAD A BLAST HE SHOWED UP WITH ROSES ON THE DASH OF HIS TRUCK IT WAS AWESOMEI KNEW BETTER FROM THE START BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO WE HAD BEEN FRIENDS LONGER THAN HE HAS KNOWN HOW TO HAVE SEX.ILL BE THE ONE THATS DIFFERENT HE WOULDNT HURT SUCH A GOOD FRIIEND6MTS INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP HE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MY FRIEND(SAME FRIEND AS BEFORE)I FORGAVE HIM BECAUSE AFTER ALL SHE HAS HIS ONLY SON AND PROBABLY REALLY WANTED IT TO WORK BUT 2DAYS TOLD HIM IT WOULDNTTHEN ABOUT 1YR LATER I FIND A CARD WHILE CLEANING OUT HIS TRUCK FROM A FRIEND OF HIS THAT BROKE HIS POOR LITTLE HEART YRS BEFORE. CAME CRYING BACK AGAIN.

THE 5TH TIME HE TRIED TO HUMILIATE ME BY LIEING TO PEOPLE ABOUT MONEY AND HOW I TREATED HIM ETC. HE NEEDED AN EXCUSE FOR WHY HE WAS SO PUBLIC WITH THIS CHICK.WELL LONG STORY SHORTENED SHE FOUND OUT HE WAS LIEING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND TOLD HIM TO SHOVE OFF

HERE HE COME AGAIN

HASNT CHEATED SINCE CUZ HE LOST HER AND HIS BUSINESS AND HIS FANCY TRUCK AND HIS INTEGRATY AND OWED FRIENDS MONEY LENT FOR HIS SHOPITS BEEN ABOUT 6 MORE YEARS NOW.iM FINE WITH MY LIFE NOW AND MORE CONFIDENT HES BEEN GREAT BUT ILL TELL YOU ONE THINGONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER AND HE WILL CHEAT AGAIN JUST A MATTER OF TIMEONLY THING IS THIS TIME IVE GOT THE UPPER HAND YOU SEE YOU DONT GET MADYOU GET EVEN. THIS MAN OF MINE TOLD ME THIS YRS BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER AND BELIEVE ME

NOW I CAN               GET EVEN

LOVE YAS BYE

Thanks for all your comments.  We went to see his therapist today who is experienced in sex addiciton.  I went with my journal so I got to share all my feelings and did not leave anything out.  I saw the therapist alone for a while.  He explained to me that when they are doing this they are in a bubble and can see no consequences.  The men that are on porn and blogging on Craig's list especially can rationlize it all away by feeling good that they are not actually connecting.  My husband now sees that the time away from me and the secret double life is just as bad for me.  I have met women in S-anon and COSA that were able to get through this with God's or a higher power's help.  It is something that I want to work on.  I told the therapist that I know that he is sober now because he is going to meetings, got a sponsor and he is in crisis.  I want to know can he stay sober on the long haul when we are not in crisis?  Some people slip in all of the addiction programs.  He says that his age (64) helps for him to stay sober, that he does not have the needs as a younger man. 

Anyone out there with an older man going through this? 

God bless you all and have a peaceful evening.

Hooking up is hooking up regardless if it's through email, in person or on the phone and nowadays, texting. An affair is an affair regardless if it's through email or in person or on the phone etc............just because they talk with someone and "didn't do anything" that doesn't mean they did not betray your marriage. The same applies if you were to turn to another.   An emotional affair is an affair outside of the marriage sex does not need to be involved to be an affair.  I don't get why people cheat, sometimes it's not even about looks or sex, but know it's not because of you.  Please don't start playing games, the "how would he like it" you may not like the answer.  If you love him and believe in your marriage, please try everything in your power to save it, but also know that he must do the same. Dr. Phil says, "you need to earn your way out of a marriage".  Best to you. Diana

I found myself in a similar situation. I too take care of myself and realize after so many years in a monogamous relationship things get stale even when you're both physically fit and sexually active. Men, I believe, are afraid to address this with their spouse because they don't want to hurt our feelings and many times they are shamed of themselves for what they are thinking and fantasizing about.  My husband indicated it was harmless but when I told my spouse I wanted some variety too and suggested alternative ideas, he nixed all of them.  I advised him if we couldn't do things together than we could do them separately along as we both agreed to what and when.  Needless to say, he didn't like this idea as well.  I asked him if he wanted to separate or divorce and he said no, that he would stop what he was doing.  I agreed to this only after reviewing and obtaining all present and future phone records, passwords, emails etc.  I believe men do this simply because they don't feel they will get caught and because many women are willing to put up with it.  I do believe if both partners are honest you can come to an agreement that will satisfy both of you.

Thank you for all of your replies.  I am new at this blogging so I do not even know how to set up friends that have answered me.  I like the answer about his low labido because of his age and the male menapause.  I do know that I had nothing to do with this, so I am ahead of many women in this situation.  I am going to his therapist tomorrow and I wrote out everything that happened and what is bothering me.  I want to make sure that he gets the whole honest picture so he can help my husband and us as a couple.  Both our therapist specialize in internet sex addicions. 

Hugs to everyone.  I hope I can figure this site out so I can talk to women experienced in this situation.

Men who are honest, ethical, faithful and perhaps spiritual don't go on dating sites and chat with other women. My guess, your husband is none of the above. He may be having emotional affairs which may or may not lead to physical affairs. It could be any number of things, like a mid-life crisis   Due to his age, he may be experiencing the male version of our menopause called andropause which is a decreased level of testosterone. So he's working overtime to get his libido stirred up.  Or since you're evidently in great shape and he's not, he may be feeling out of his league physically. Bottom line, it's not your fault and you deserve as long as it takes to trust him again...he has everything to prove to you.  If not, don't sell yourself short. Take as much time as you need to decide what you're going to do.  Remember, YOU deserve happiness with or without him and the sooner the better.   Note: Not all men (or women) are dishonest or unfaithful. Best of luck.

thank you for your reply.  How can we trust any other man after this? 

Wow been there done that. I really hope that your theraphy works,but I would not count on it. There is nothing wrong with you its all about him. He should be reading the books. If you read anything read things about building and loving your self. Men with theses issues rarely get over them. If he wants to chat and email other women pack his bags and let him do it all day and all night and good luck to him. You or no other women deserves to live like that. And any women who would be emailing and chating with him if they know he is married deserves him and send them a ty card for taking him off your hands,and they need to remember what goes around comes around. Good Luck I had to run like the wind. I am still singel but very happy.

And reread what you wrote please...This man is not HONEST,SPIRUATIAL,AND IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOU GUYS WERE REAL CLOSE.

Good Luck and take care of you

Sheilah