I have three children, 8 4 and one. They don't have too much of an age difference but I did encounter similar issues with my oldest and currently have issues with my 4 year old. He becomes very aggressive towards the baby. Both my younger have special needs issues. My son's psychiatrist gave me a very helpful book called 123 Magic. I have been telling all 3 of my boys how much I love them and make sure i get as much time with each child as I can, but we still have issues. This book has helped me a lot. My two older boys are becomeing less of a danger to each other and seem to be calming down a lot.  I believe the reinforcement of your love and taking time with each child, or with all three, and recognizing their strengths along with the discipline for the unwanted behavior has helped soooo much. I hope that helps any and I hope you have a great Holiday and New Year. Take Care!

my opinion: YOu should just talk to her everyday about her little sister that you do know how she feels that she always had mommy for herself and now that she sees you spending all your time on the almost 2 year one, that does take a lot of time!!!! coz a 2year old yep they just need lots of attention! try to give the little one some alone time when the big one comes home, put her in the playpen or put on the tv and let her know that she needs to stap PUT! then go in the room with the big one and just talk about the day.... and when she goes to sleep ( i know its hard to find the time) talk to her about the things she doesnt like, she wont speak up but you can talk instead about what you think she doesnt like and instead of negative words: say things like: you like your sister in a few years when she grows up you'll be best friends...... etc.....

Its something I've learned in a special program to say things you want them to do when they need to change their negative behavior... but you should leave the words: not no dont ; out of it.!

Good luck

Hi Melissa,

There is a 5 and a half year difference between my first two and at times it was a bit hard.  But we made it through those tough times.  Your 21 month old requires at lot of your time I'm sure.  Just make sure you tell your 8 year old that things will get easier as her sister gets a little older.  Talking that special time for her is really important so you are on the right path.  But it seems like she has some real anger issues.  I would make an appointment with her school counselor and go from there.  That could be really helpful and they have great resources at hand.  Good Luck Melissa!