Today's show was on opoid addiction. My youngest son has been fighting this for over ten years. He loves children and always looked forward to becoming a father. I do believe he would be a great one.
While playing with nieces and nephews, he had one on his shoulders. He is 6'2" tall, and when he bent to put the child down, a disc popped in his back. No insurance, the doctor gave him vicadin to ease his pain. After a while, he turned himself into rehab as he became addicted to the drug. After rehab, he went to a halfway house for a while. Soon, he and three other guys at the halfway house went to live in a pay-by-week motel.
One day, he say his "friends" cookinng something in a spoon. "Whatcha doing?" he asked. They told him it's the same as vicodin, only easier to use, faster results. That was his first injection of heroin. "That was when I lost my son. I lost all my possessions, money from my bank account. He would come over in clothes way too small for him as he exchanged his clothes for some heroin.
I was going through chemo at one point of his addiction. I had to keep my pain med bottle in my bra, sleep with a bra on, so he couldn't get it. I have a head injury from an auto accident and my klonopin was also kept in my bra. When he was over, I had to keep an eye on my purse if the pills weren't in my bra - I sustained a MRSA infection on one breast from keeping the bottle in my bra.(During chemo, I had to get an infusion of immunoglobulin as my immune system tanked. I was getting MRSA infections, two of which brought me close to death.) One day, I took my shower, brought my purse into the bathroom with me, locked the door, etc. I forgot the key. I'm in the shower and the door opens and he grabbed my purse. I was stuck in the shower and couldn't stop him.
Twice I've had to perform CPR on him. He told me he wanted to die and he did it in mu home because he knew I would take care of his body compared to out on the street where the people he would have been with would simply leave his body. One day he took 1/2 of a prescription bottle of Xanex (his girlfriend's and she had just left to go back to her old boyfriend as he supplied her with whatever she wanted even though he abused her - she has since died from an overdose) After he took the Xanex, he took a phone cord and wrapped it around his neck until he passed out. I attempted to stop him ... I am 5'3" to his 6'2" and no way could I stop him. He fell like a tree. I called EMS and they took him to the psych ward. He has been in the psych ward more times than I can remember.Another time, he took my klonopin, and then lay on the floor have a grand mal seizure. He spent 5 days in the hospital.
He's stolen from stores, been caught, outstanding warrant for that, stole from people. One time he stole a camera case out of a lady's car and her charge card was in it. He charged almost 800 dollars ... I paid the lady so she wouldn't press charges. (he already had 2 felonies on his record)
He is in prison as I write this. Living on the street he was tired of walking one day and notice a car had its keys inn it. AND the door was unlocked (hello people!!! what are you thinking!) He took the car for a ride. He got "away" that time. Next day, again, a car with the keys and unlocked. This time he was caught. Once his picture was in the system,, the other city connected hm to the theft the day before. He is serving 1-1/2 to 7-1/2 years for the crimes.
I have such a hard time to call my son a convict. An inmate. he is such a beautiful person. He admitted to me that he held me as a prisoner in my own home. I see now that my "helping" him was enabling him. And will no longer do it, am no longer doing it. Even from prison he pulls the guilt on me. Having a head injury, it is easy for him to manipulate me. I hate it. I have an ulcer now. Before he was in prison, he would call and ask if he could come and visit - my stomach just knotted at the thought of seeing him.
I have held him, a grown man, as he cried from his soul, saying Mom, I dont want to do this anymore! My heart is in pain. For weeks when he first went to prison, he was the last thjought when I went ot bed and upon waking, he was the first. Writing this, bringing back those memories (I even called and reported him for parent abuse!) He told me several times, I was the only mom who would call the police on theirown son. I did it because I didn't want this to be his life!)
He just got parol and should be out after 1-1/2 years, which will be February. I've asked his father to take him in after as for him to go to the halfway house, would be a guarantee for him to relaspe. His father is an alcholoic - my son got the gene from him. But his father, who was NEVER in his life, says he's a loser, he reminds him of his two brothers (both with addictions). My ex makes me so mad. He is a functioning alcholoic and he has this superior complex.
I am scared to have him live with me. I feel I have PSTD from the experience of his being around me with his addiction. Yes, I've even seen him shoot himself with it. When he went into prison, cleaning my apartment, I found several needles. One had my port needle attached to it and it still had some of the drug in it.
When I first moved into this apartment, I was excited! Then he showed up. Brought the drug into this apartment. I lost my ambition to get it set up. I'm here in my fourth year and still have not finished unpacking.l yes, I have depression. Some therapists say I've had it my whole life, but he has had a strong impact on it.
I do not know what to do when he gets out. He wants to move in with me. I tell hiim I can't drive you to your probabtion meetings, I haven't driven in ten years. Last seizure was this past March. He tells me they will give him bus passes to get downtown to the courthouse (or whereever he goes for his probation). He mentions the businesses near me that accept ex cons as employees to give them a fresh start. But I am scared! Many months I had no food becaue of him and my daughter had to bring me things to ear. How embarassing! I've even gone to food banks to get food. I start out walking (with my cane) and a neighbor would drive me there and then someone there would give me a ride. home.
My heart, my soul is broken,hurting so much. I want to take him in and at the same time I am SO scared to. I want to fix him. I'm his momma, I should be able to.
This is just so sad. As I said earlier, he is a beautiful person, a brillian person, and this addiction has stolen ten years of his life.