Hi Kitty, I would suggest that you find the nearest mental health clinic and find some way to get there.  I know that would probably be difficult, but it sounds as if your life may depend on it.

I went to a clinic last week i saw a social worker she told me i need to go to a hospital to get a evaluation from a doctor , but last time i did that i was 13 and was very scary how everythign went, i duno if i wnat to or not yet im supose to go as soon as possible but still thinking of a day to go

It is always scary when our emotions and feelings are in turmoil.  I know that I have to make a concious effort every day to slow down and do what is best for me.  Like I said in my profile, I have learned to live one day at a time.  I cannot dwell in the past, because until they make a time machine, there is nothing I can do to change it.  I cannot worry and worry over the future because I am not promised anything but today.  Today I can ask myself when I am dealing with fears, worries, sadness, lonliness, "What can I do about it today?"  What ever actions I can take today I take and the rest I leave in God's hands.  I have found that that is the only way I can live at peace and have happiness in my life.  I really hope that you do find professional help.  It can make all the difference in the world.

hi i am from palestine  i am 20  and i study english and frensh language i watch the show every day it is intresting   watch it its realy good  by . 

Hi Sarah. My name is MaryAnn and I'm 24. When I read your blog, it amazed me. It reminded me of myself in high school. All I did was sleep. I missed so many days of school because I didn't want to get out of bed and deal with all my peers. My high school tried to kick me out because of it. Instead of quitting, I was homeschooled my senior year and passed with honors. I also have a problem with large crowds, panic attacks come my way too. I also used to draw and sketch alot when I was depressed. My mom found my drawings and we sat down and had a long talk. I started going to a counsler. I went to a woman because it felt more comfortable to talk to her and tell her about my problems. I know how embarrassing it is to admit you have a problem. Believe me, I know. Then there were the times when I felt great and took myself off my meds and crashed. I took every pill in my medicine cabinet. That was about 2 1/2 years ago. I'm proud to say that after that incident, I started taking my meds again, got a job, met my current husband, and we have a wonderful 14 month old boy. There is hope out there. But its up to you to make that first step. I am still on meds for depression and anxiety. And I also still go to counsler once a month. It used to be twice a week when I was 16. If you ever want to talk. I'm hear to listen. I know exactly what you are going through.

hi sarah!  i'm 22 and i have had problems since i was 12.  i've never been suicidal because i'm afraid of most things, including pain and death.  i don't know what to do either.  i've been searching the net and books for years.  every single time a panic attack comes, i KNOW i'm going to die, but of course i never do.  i have the same problems with crowds, and 3 makes a crowd for me.  i get them a lot when i drive.  my limbs go numb and i can't breath and i get a cramp in my upper stomach.  it's so scary that i end up speeding by 20 mph to get home.  my boyfriend is getting upset because we don't go out at all anymore.  i even make him go in the store to buy personal products for me.  i've had 16 jobs, excellent worker every time, but i quit every single one because "something" would go wrong and i'd never called or go back again, not even for my last paycheck or to return KEYS to the store!  i'm afraid to get another job because of my problems, but i need to because i'm 22 and still living with my parents.  i'm afraid i won't ever be able to support myself like i'd LOVE to. i have no friends.  i've taken 4 different meds before and nothing worked.  i've also seen 5 different psychologists.  nothing.  we have to find REAL help soon.  it doesn't go away.  it only gets worse.  *hugs*  i'm so sorry you're going through this also. i know you probably feel out of place and like you're a "loser" because you can't work or do much of anything.  i'll post if i find ANYTHING that can help you... like..REAL help because as of now, no one really can help when it's that type of anxiety.  please hang in there.  there's hope for us.

-jami

I'm new to this but if you need someone to talk to I'll be here.  I'm 27 and I have a stepdaughter who's 16, not to mention I went through the same thing when I was your age.  imagine finding out you're adopted, and don't belong in the world.  That's how I felt, please feel free to contact me anytime.  I'll even give you my number if you want it.  Much love!!