Christy,

First I want you to know that you are not responsible for her.  We are all responsible for our own actions.  It took me many years to realize this, after my friend took a lethal overdose of her mother's sleeping pills.  We were 14 at the time. Obviously your friend's home life has scarred her deep within herself and her own self esteem has gone out the window.  My advice:  Contact your local teen suicide help line.  Tell them her story and they may be able to direct you in what to do.

Sinikka

You are a very smart girl Christy with a good head on your shoulders.

I am so proud of you for not following in your friends footsteps. That

would have been so easy for you, but you didn't. I must give credit to

your parents who taught you very well. I believe that teens will try every

thing at least once but your friend is headed for self destruction an you

can't save her if she doesn't want to save herself. Life is not always an

easy lesson. I believe you will get some great advice on here, there

are a lot of caring people. Be yourself an only do what you know is

right an everything will be alright. Your friend could still turn her life

around but not till she's learned a hard lesson.    Sludge

Christy, I applaud you for sticking with her.  Somewhere inside her she has to know that you are the best thing in her life.  Pray she is able to pull herself out of the hell she's living. I'm willing to bet she doesn't like what she's become, she's probably feeling like it's a way of life for her right now.  You also can not be held an emotional hostage.  If you're reading her blog, maybe try connecting with her to let her know that you're there for her just by saying "hey".  It's always tough watching somebody you love self destruct.  She's lucky to have you as a friend and someday, hopefully soon she will come back.

Christy, this is far too much for you to try to handle on your own.  Can you talk to your guidance counselor or maybe a trusted teacher?  If you are active in church, the youth director or pastor there could help you know which way to turn to find help for her.  These adults have a responsibility to protect his girl, even if it means having her removed from the highly disfunctional home.  It is very admirable for you to care so much for your former friend & you deserve a pat on the back for that.  Don't be surprised if she resents your attempts to help her, she doesn' think she needs help.   Good Luck!!

christy,

When i found myself reading this i couldnt help but notice how simallar one of my friends are to yours, ever

since she was 11 she had been doing drugs and having sex and dating way way older boys and had no real

family life.her mom left her when she was 2 and her dad is on drugs and isnt there most of the time,her

grandma raised her ... but suverly abused her. i found that by helping her i was hurting her even more

because i was doing all the reasonable and responsable thinking for her,the only thing you can do is be there

for her if she needs to talk or needs a sholder to cry on . truly if she  feels like doing all the dumb things shes

doing,shes just going to keep doing them ; just let her, theres nothing you can do because shes just going to

do it anyways , but just for your' attention and everybody elses.

'Tipical horamonal teenage girl who has gone through quite some traumma who needs someone there'

mikaela911oops

Christy, I also saw a bit of myself in your story.  I was teased and ridiculed when I was in high school for going against the grain..  not accepting alcohol or drugs into my life, or hanging with people who did.  I have never tried drugs, but the alcohol is a different story.  I've consumed a total of a whole beer my entire life... but yeah, a few moments of stupidity... a lifetime of regret.  Anyways... My bit of advice comes from dealing with "addicts", knowing that they don't become that way by pure "choice".. it's their want to free themselves from the horror they know as "life".   For a while they do just that, feel free for the "moments" while under the consumption of alcohol or drugs.  What they come to realize over time, they are actually imprisoned by these same addictions that makes them feel "free".  I promise you, no one truly sets out to become an addict.. but when they do become addicts, most will never have the ability to change on their own.  They need help.  They need guidance.  They need the feeling of someone who cares enough about them to help them change.  If you felt no one cared about you, do you think you would be able to face hell by yourself?  Of course not.  She is around people she thinks "care" about her.  She will one day (If she doesn't lose her life first) find out they are nothing more than users.. in every since of the word.  But she will need someone who cares enough about her to help her see that.  Love and forgiveness are powerful things.  I am going to post something I received in an e-mail from a very loving great friend.  It puts everything in a perspective most can't see until it's shoved in your face.

One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.  His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family who had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had, that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment, and frustration.   Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:

'Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord, I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I can not do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray you teach me to do the one thing I can not do: Teach me to forgive .'

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.  He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

'Have you ever told a lie?' He asked?

The man answered - 'Yes, Lord.'

'Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?'

The man answered - 'Yes, Lord.' And the man sobbed more and more.

'Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?' Jesus asked?

And the man answered, 'Yes, Lord.'

'Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?'

The man, crying now, answered - 'Yes, Lord.'

As Jesus asked many more times, 'Have you ever'? The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer - 'Yes, Lord'.

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus . When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus , and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.   Jesus said, 'I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you.'

Thanks so much everyone for the advice! I read it all carefully and considered everything and right now I just want to be there for her and let her know that... but she still steers away because the friends she have now are just as messed up as she is and I have a wonderful life. I'm going to continue trying to reach her... maybe remind her of the time she was scared of cigarettes and losing her brother... she writes and writes about suicide notes and sneaking out just for a cigarette! She's just killing herself... I guess she always knew she would someday but she can get somewhere and I won't let her waste her life like this!